Warning NSFW

Our writers get on tangents. Lately it’s been monster body parts- FUPAs, Bionic Pussies and Mr. Justin Bieber Penis Head. Now the Justin Bieber Penis Head post was also about crazy key words that pop up on our site. I’m going to tie all these posts together with a heated debate that happened last year when the staff was debating the comparison of giant boob fetish porn stars to sideshow performers. (We love both.)

A key word that’s been coming up consistently is the name Penelope Black Diamond. We get about 6 hits a day from that name. Being too lazy to actually research it, we always thought it odd. Finally I looked into it and Penelope was one of the girls we used in the post that sparked the big debate.

I risk reigniting a 6 post argument again, especially with the female staff members who, like most women, have strong feelings about women who have surgery to get monster boobs. But I’m going to be honest, I really find Miss Black Diamond intriguing. As Kevin pointed out with the Gina Lynn post, these women are sex industry WORKERS, sexuality is their business. Even more than Gina Lynn, Penelope Black Diamond is literally distilling herself down to the parts that make her feminine. Talon like like finger and toe nails, extremely long hair, multiple giant gauge labia piercing that stretch and exaggerate her pussy, and those monstrous, monstrous breasts.

For some reason I just can’t look away…

Be sure to check out her site

- Jimi Jam Philadelphia
Swellco & Swellco #23234b

Photos Courtesy of penelopeblackdiamond.com

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

Feel like your life is coming up short? You did everything they told you and you are still a disappointment.

At the Video Circus there is no shame. Once you have consciously and subconsciously embraced the subversive subliminal video process, you join a group that does not join groups, you enter a world that does not have limitations because in the Video Circus, nothing is real. Concepts like humility, morality, civility and reality simply do not apply. Here we are all whores. Here we are all carnivores. Here everyone is a martyr, a bully, a coward and a king. We are gluttonous and feast on the milk and breads of virgin angels. Our Circus never ends.

You know it’s time and you know you have nothing to loose. A soul carries no currency if it’s already damned.

Always sniffing that finger.

Jak Christ has been recently promoted from Administrative Assistant to fill the new post of Event Listings Manager and will be responsible for sifting through the chaff to find the beautiful grains of greatness on our event listing pages.

Jak was born to a well known family of spree killers and spent his childhood hiding out on a Guatemalan coffee plantation. By his early teens he had utilized his knowledge of mountain farming to manage several successful coca plant operations across South America. At 20, the already feared horticulturalist moved to the states to go to school. Last year Jak dropped out of DeVry University to focus on his budding exotic dancing career. While shaking his money maker he was discovered by a S&S recruiter. During his short tenure with the company Jak skyrocketed from street cronie to administrative assistant to managing the Event Listings Department.

On his days off Jak enjoys equestrian competitions, sock puppets and water sports. Always the social activist and family man, Jak recently adopted a pair of 18 year old girls from Thailand and says he plans on teaching them Yoga.

When asked why he is so passionate about the Swellco & Swellco mission to destroy reality and usher in a new age of the dark gods Jak responded “I’ve shit myself again.” If you’ve spent any time with Jak Christ, you know he probably has.

This entry is brought to you courtesy of Swellco & Swellco’s month-long homage to Women’s History Month, “The Female Power Project.”

I’m a huge fan of the sideshow. I know the term is thrown around here as a perpetual metaphor, but I mean real sideshow, real circus. I prefer the small down & dirty DIY troupes over the over produced Circus De Soleil stuff. Generally these troupes aren’t in it for the money, it’s far more of a lifestyle than a job. The downside is that the term star power and crust punk don’t really go together very well. Many of the performers don’t really have the charisma that you see in other performance arts. But there are exceptions.

Enter Betty Bloomerz. Drop dead beautiful, physically flawless, engaging on stage, charismatic & pretty much an all in one sideshow act. Much like Debra Harry was to 70′s New York punk;  Betty adds something the sideshow scene has been needing for a very long time. She’s a movie star power cliche breaker in the face of the sleazy carnie stereotypes.

If Swellco & Swellco is the authority for all things strange, then this humble writer nominates Betty Bloomerz to be the poster girl.

-Felicia Jackson
Swellco & Swellco 22397b

“We’re not even on drugs.”

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Photos courtesy of http://theclassypolaroid.tumblr.com/

“I don’t even like clowns”

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Photos courtesy of http://fuckyeahsexanddrugs.tumblr.com

Often charged, always aquitted, that's our RAF

Because they’re so important to us and to our creating a positive experience for our customers, we’ll let a few members of our staff introduce themselves. Today we’d like to introduce Spokesmodel RAF Sparknoodle (Swellco & Swellco 15078u)

Swellco & Swellco would like to introduce new Video Circus spokes model RAF Sparkennoodle.  RAF Brings volumes of experience and expertise to the Video Circus Stable and the entire staff is excited to have her on board. Not only is she a highly experienced international runway model, but she is also on “no fly lists” for over 13 countries. RAF was suspected of aiding and colluding with Idi Amin in a conspiracy to smuggle ivory and gold into Uganda, prior to the dictator’s rise to power. It is rumored that she was briefly his mistress. In Berlin she was later indicted for the rape and murder of 4 local tax officials, but charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. Spotty evidence also ties her to gun running operations in South America, Mexico and East Africa.

Fun Fact! As a baby, the beautiful and vivacious RAF was sold to a Ukrainian monastery off the Black Sea by Gypsies. Because of this, her exact age is unknown.

Fun Fact! RAF is missing three toes on her right foot, lost during a bad turn of luck at a dice game in Phnom Phen Cambodia, when she was still in her preteens.

Always the prankster, RAF is also suspected of a pipe bomb scare in Des Moines, IA and is rumored to regularly engage in cattle mutilations. She is an avid fan of soup and likes to hunt for My Little Pony keychains at flea markets on her days off. Recently she ran for City Councilwoman in Bensalem Pa. and relocated to Philadelphia after a narrow loss. Welcome to the family RAF, Swellco & Swellco believes you’ve found a new home.

Vote for Raff as our employee of the month

Uncle Wheat Toast is the Video Circus departments very own interviewer on the go. He’s our man about town, our star fucker, our sleazy sycophant of the first order. He gets the important answers out of people that are more important than you, so that your life can have just a little more meaning. First up, one of the Video Circus’ favorite Lords of the Underground: Count Smokula.

Uncle Wheat Toast: What is the dirtiest thing you’ve eaten off the floor?
Count Smokula: Vun time I ate a carrot that had been removed from some vun’s body part. I think it came directly from the bowels of the oith.

Uncle Wheat Toast: Name a Northern Renaissance painter who was most directly influenced by the Italian arts of the late fifteenth and sixteenth centuries.
Count Smokula: That must be Rembrandt because he vas alvays eating pasta fazool and sometimes painted vit a brush made of uncooked macaroni. Stiff like you vouldn’t believe it.

Uncle Wheat Toast: Have you ever picked scabs off your old lady?
Count Smokula: I don’t hev an old lady. She vas young, kvite young. And yes of course, she hed scabs that hed to be removed, straight off her anatomical parts. I did it vit my teeth and she vas egg static!

Uncle Wheat Toast: What can fans expect next to from Count Smokula?
Count Smokula: A lot of ection!!! Fans should buy my albums “Authentic Sounds of Smokesylvania” and the BRAND NEW vun “Smokesylvania in My Mind” on itunes, amazon.com, rhapsody.com, vherever.  My new movie “Trasharella” (co-starring vit Rena Riffel) just came out and is available at Amazon.com. My veb series “The COunt Smokula Show” an http://www.therealuhf.com More episodes coming! Look at the videos “Zombie”, “Poultrygeist” and all the other great Count Smokula videos  on youtube! New songs vill be released! New videos soon! More shows!  More ection! Egg cite ment! Tomatoes! Skveezebox! Rock’n'roll!

Uncle Wheat Toast: Do you like hard candy? If so why?
Count Smokula: Sugar is bad for you in 78 vays! But I still like hard candy! It toughens my souls! I can sink my fangs in it! It pleases me inside and out! I prefer gummy voims, though.
They are  kvite suck you lent.

Uncle Wheat Toast: What is your most recent disease you caught from whoring?
Count Smokula: I got a headache. Vun of ‘em nearly nagged me to death. She kept begging for more and so I fed her sardines and she vanted a tuna and then things got really raw and ve itched and scratched each other. In the end she vas satisfied but she kept talking. Oy!

Uncle Wheat Toast: If you could be a semi viscus fluid, what would you be? I mean, what semi viscus fluid really describes you as an artist
Count Smokula: I vould be spoim! I vould viggle and wriggle and foitilize everything in sight. I vould make more mini-me’s so they vould go to voik and I could concoct more things in the depths of the night. Then again I might be olive oil.

Uncle Wheat Toast: What’s that smell?
Count Smokula: The smell comes from your armpits. Vhy don’t you vash them vunce in a vhile?

Uncle Wheat Toast: Do I smell funny?
Count Smokula: You do. I smelt you and I laughed. Almost got a hoinea.

Uncle Wheat Toast: Tell us about a cartoon that you think is funny and then tell us why.
Count Smokula:I vunce saw a cartoon of me as a bat. Can you believe that? I hed vings and everything. That’s funny because I don’t really toin into a bat. Sometimes a vombat, but you’d hev to be down under to understand that. Down under vhat I cannot tell you.

Uncle Wheat Toast: Would you be willing to show us  your genitalia?
Count Smokula:Ah my genitalia, now that’s a horse of another color. Speaking of horses, I am vell hung like a horse, so you’d probably hev to be in a stable to see ‘em. And since you sound like you’re completely unstable, that vould be difficult. Now under the right circumstances, vit the proper cajoling and nekkid tomatoes hanging around, if you vere hiding in the bushes you might get a peek. But many today are shaved like eggs so it might be hard to peek through the bushes. Ha ha! Another mystery unsolved.

Uncle Wheat Toast: Is Jesus Christ your home boy?
Count Smokula: Hell, yeah! Ve used to hang out together. I taught him everything he knew about raising the dead and making the vine out of the vater.  Ve drank some vell vater together and it tasted like crap, so I started to moan and vhine. He thought I meant “vine” like as in a drink, and so he pulled off that trick. Then he started drinking it, tried to get me to try it, I told him “I don’t drink vine”, so he drank it all,  toined to full-time boozing and look at us now! I’m still here, doing kvite vundafully,  and a lot of people expect him to retoin, but I think he’s still guzzling the home made cabernet and might be hanging out downtown somevhere vit a red nose and bloodshot eyes.

Uncle Wheat Toast: Tell us about your feet and why you like them so damn much.
Count Smokula: Listen, if your nose runs and your feet smell, you’re built upside down. I ain’t built upside down! That said, my feet smell like roses, vit dainty little pinkish toes. Vanna sniff ‘em? Remember, if Moses supposes his toeses are roses, then Moses supposes erroneously. But I ain’t Moses, so my feet can smell any damn vay they vant to! And they do! Yummy delicious!

Uncle Wheat Toast: When you were a child, you had an unfortunate accident where you fell down a well and you’ve often sited that as being the catalyst for becoming an artist. Could you tell us a little about this transforming event?
Count Smokula: It vas a big misconception. I fell down the vell, yes. There vas a horrible gaseous odor down there. Vhen I got rescued, they said I smelled like a fartist. But the noose papers got it wrong, misprinted it and removed the “f” letter (they thought it meant the “f” void, I think). So they said I came out of the vell smelling like an “artist”. I kind of liked how that sounded so I kept it.

Uncle Wheat Toast: Have you ever fantasized about riding a horse naked through a field of Pansies?
Count Smokula: I rode a Volvo through Vest Hollyvood vunce. Does that count?

Uncle Wheat Toast: No it doesn’t. Please pretend you fantasized about riding naked through a field of pansies. It gets me hot.
Count Smokula: Sometimes  in my dreams I’m riding a vild black mare through these fields. But I’m not naked completely. I need a foim support for my famed genitalia so they vouldn’t bounce too hard. And yes, of course, I vould be vearing a cape and fez. Does that answer your kvestion?

Uncle Wheat Toast: Any advice you want to throw out to upcoming performance artists like yourself?
Count Smokula: Don’t behave like everyvun else. Do something egg straw din airy. But do it, do it, till you’re satisfied, vhatever that  is.

The staff and technicians of the newly acquisitioned Swellco & Swellco Video Circus subversive subliminal mind control practices program work tirelessly day and night to help alter your reality and make the world a more bearable place.

Here you can see our dedicated staff focus to addresses signal transduction pathways underlying cellular pathomechanisms of the metabolic syndrome with a particular focus on the stress-induced Mitogen-Activated Protein Kinase signaling cascade, but lets not get technical.

The correlation of the occurrence of these conditions suggests a high inter connectivity of these traits and implies interdependent cellular and molecular mechanisms. Hence, a better understanding of these links might help to develop a more tailored and effective treatment of audio visual paralysis!

While you’re waiting to die, remember Swellco & Swellco is out there trying to feel your pain with science, sorcery and just a little bit of love.

Blast from the Past

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Photos courtesy of http://theclassypolaroid.tumblr.com