We have better sex than you.

Alright, I’ve kept my mouth shut for a really long time, but my co-workers have been rambling on about Furies and Henti and all sorts of other creepy ass asian cartoon perversions around here. But it’s always from an armchair voyeur perspective, or to complain about them.

I’m going to reveal to the world a secret. I’m into to some kinky shit, but three years ago I dated a guy that took it to another level. He was into Kigurumi Anime Cosplay as an erotic fetish. Kigurumi Anime is the “human” wing of the Kigurumi scene. Furies are the animal end. The Kigurumi Anime people dress up as… people. Living anime figures. As you can see from the pics bellow, they are fucking creepy in an epic way.

Well anyway, this guy I dated for a while liked to fuck girls dressed in Kigurumi Anime costumes. I”m talking masks and all and he had a wardrobe and a collection of masks for the girls he slept with to wear. He was actually very attractive, very likable and had a big dick. There wasn’t anything strange about him beyond this one small hang up. I know you are thinking you would be out of this psycho’s room in a hot second, but I guess I have some issues of my own because I put on the outfits, put on the masks and laid there limp like a doll while he fucked me. We dated for 3 months. Ironically, I dumped him because he was always texting me. I mean, come on, that kind of clinginess is creepy.

If it’s your thing, check out the site

-Felicia Jackson
Swellco & Swellco 22397b

Photos courtesy of http://www.kigurumicosplay.com

While Gary Heidnik is not a product of Philadelphia, he is one of the most notable characters to have called the City of Brotherly Love at one point.  Heidnik was born in a suburb of Eastlake, Ohio but made a move to Philadelphia in the fall of 1962.  He transplanted here via a transfer from am Army Surgical Hospital in Germany-where he worked as a medic-where he later landed himself in a local hospital and was diagnosed as having Schizoid Personality Disorder.

Here’s the kicker, as well as a prime example of how botched our whole system is; after being discharged from the Army due to his mental diagnosis, he was capable of landing a job as a Psychiatric Nurse as he able to obtain the credibility of being an LPN (Licensed Practicing Nurse).  Remember, this all came about after he got “the sickness”. He worked at Veterans Administration Hospital in Coatesville, PA.  He was however, fired shortly after for his less than shining attitude.

Later, while living in the Philadelphia area he (like all good psychos) incorporated the United Church of the Ministers of God.  He created a bank account for said Church with Merrill Lynch in the amount of $1,500.  Over the next several years Brother Bishop made several wise investments (one of them with Playboy) building up his earnings to roughly 5ook, which in today’s money would be just shy of a million.

Find out more about one of Philly’s finest…With Gary doing well for himself he decided to get himself a mail-order bride from the Philippines.  Well, this didn’t last too terribly long due to the bizarre shit that he brought upon his new exotic bride.  He forced her to watch him have sexual relations with multiple women, as well as being fairly abusive.  She finally left Gary in 1986 which is when Gary had begun to make a name for himself, yet no one knew this just yet.

Over the next year, he began to kidnap and hold six different women captive in the basement of his Philadelphia home.  He had turned it into your typical  serial killer/serial rapist hide-away.  He tortured and raped this women over a period of about a year between 1986-1987, two of which died of starvation and excess torture.  Apparently while dismembering one of the women who died, Gary had some trouble and simply kept parts of her in the freezer and labeled her “Dog Food”.

On March 24,1987-a day after abducting one of the unlucky ladies-good old Gary was arrested.  The young lady somehow convinced him to allow her to see her family one last time in which she never returned to their rendezvous spot at a local gas station.  She had contacted 911, and the gig was up.

Gary stood trial, and the defense was unable to prove he was “insane” because the prosecution argued that no insane man could accrue so much money through a legitimate source.  Subsequently, our fine friend was sentenced to death.  While serving his time, Mr. Heidnik called the attention of a correctional officer informing the officer that “Satan had fed him too many cookies, and he couldn’t speak”.  Gary lay silent for the next two years without uttering a single word.

Gary Heidnik is to date the last recorded person to be executed in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.  He died by lethal injection on July 6th, 1999.

Philadelphia, take a bow as being able to own Mr. Gary Heidnik as one of ours.

Another odd side note, when the police entered the home of Heidnik they took notice to the fact he had glued pennies all over the walls of his home.  Go figure, but like they said…he wasn’t insane.

Below is a link to the map location of Gary Heidnik’s Phialdelphia home.  I could be wrong, but I believe the actual original structure of the home was demolished, and has since been rebuilt.

3520 North Marshall Street, Philadelphia PA

This is the list of the abducted women:

• Josefina Rivera, age 25, kidnapped on November 26, 1986
• Sandra Lindsay, age 24, kidnapped on December 3, 1986, murdered in February 1987
• Lisa Thomas, age 19, kidnapped on December 23, 1986
• Deborah Dudley, age 23, kidnapped on January 2, 1987, murdered on March 22, 1987
• Jacqueline Askins, age 17, kidnapped on January 18, 1987
• Agnes Adams, age 24, kidnapped on March 19, 1987

-Acid Squid
Swellco & Swellco 11283d (retroactive/RIP)

Wake up, it’s time to go to bed.

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

The staff and technicians of the newly acquisitioned Swellco & Swellco Video Circus subversive subliminal mind control practices program work tirelessly day and night to help alter your reality and make the world a more bearable place.

Here you can see our dedicated staff focus to addresses signal transduction pathways underlying cellular pathomechanisms of the metabolic syndrome with a particular focus on the stress-induced Mitogen-Activated Protein Kinase signaling cascade, but lets not get technical.

The correlation of the occurrence of these conditions suggests a high inter connectivity of these traits and implies interdependent cellular and molecular mechanisms. Hence, a better understanding of these links might help to develop a more tailored and effective treatment of audio visual paralysis!

While you’re waiting to die, remember Swellco & Swellco is out there trying to feel your pain with science, sorcery and just a little bit of love.

The Video Circus was created with one strong assertion in mind. We believe reality has become too brutal for the average consumer to handle. Never ending war, a corrupt system, a bankrupt government and a decimated job market all make our reality look pretty bleak. So we ask you, why even play the game? We say, turn your ship into the storm and embrace your darker urges and simply alter your reality. We believe that it is a god given right for every consumer to chose his reality, and Swellco & Swellco is here to help make that happen.

So Next time you’re thinking, “We’re all going to hell and life is just a circus,” think Swellco & Swellco. The dark gods of the underworld demand the sacrifice of your tainted soul and Swellco & Swellco aims to deliver.

Photos courtesy of culturetrash.tumblr.com

Ingredients:

• 1 cup low fat cottage cheese
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1/2 cup plain low fat yogurt
• 1/4 cup finely chopped green onion
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 pinch pepper

Preparation:

To customize this dip, add a little hot pepper sauce, curry powder, a little dry onion soup mix, or your favorite herbs. In blender or food processor, process cottage cheese with lemon juice until blended. Add remaining ingredients. Process just until blended. Refrigerate for at four to 6 hours.

We feel your pain

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Uncle Wheat Toast claims to be an advice columnist and when he’s not smoking crack or on a glue binge, he seems to be somewhat lucid. As many as 15 thousand people write him a day asking for his worldly sage advice and the Family thinks it’s about time our pride and joy shares some of his wisdom.

Lick it up, it'll cost you.

DEAR UNCLE TOAST

I’m a junior in college, but I don’t feel like one. I am still afraid of the Ice Cream Man. The Ice Cream Man never physically abused me or my brothers, but he was verbally abusive and lives outside my bedroom window. He had a tough life, was beaten and set on fire by an angry mob, married young, and had lived on stolen butter and moonshine while he was in his early twenties. He is now in his mid-eighties and is still trying to exact his revenge on the neighborhood.
Now that I live in a dorm, I get phone calls from him every day asking me where I am and what have I done, and if he doesn’t like what I say, he hangs up and a few minutes later I’ll find pee puddles all over my bathroom floor.
I am not going home this summer. Since I’ve been away, I’ve realized it’s not normal to have an elderly mutilated ice cream man living in your yard.
Uncle Toast, I love the ice cream man, but I’m kept a virtual prisoner when I’m at home, and I’m physically ill from being harassed when I’m at school.
What should I do?
-THREE WAY FUCK

DEAR THREE WAY FUCK,
At one time or another, we have all had to deal with the neighborhood manic squatting in our yard. What confuses me is that he hasn’t butchered you yet. You shouldn’t feel like you can’t return to your own home, so take control of the situation. If you are no longer interested in being menaced by the Ice Cream Man, then suggest activities other than being menaced that you will enjoy. Try your turn at entertaining him, then take him places that you know will be fun for you as well. Since he is in his eighties and probably frail from living in your yard, you might be surprised to find that menacing or butchering him might be an option as well. Now a gratuitous ass dance because you bored me.

-Uncle Wheat Toast
Swellco & Swellco 54239c

Need advice about your baby’s momma? Trying to figure out what that growth is?
Submit a question by email uncletoast @ swellco2000.com
or call the Uncle Wheat Toast Help-Line (571) 31-TOAST /86278

We own the party

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

It’s time to start the show

Preceding clip is either an extended segment, excerpt or alternate version from portions of various episodes of the Swellco & Swellco Video Circus.

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.