“Chi Chi, get the yeyo.”

My position here at Swellco & Swellco is very tentative and in all honesty, I have some reservations about working for this outfit.  I’m very disturbed by a couple of  trends that I’ve been seeing on this site that I really kind of stress me out.

First off, there seems to be a preoccupation with Mexican Drug Cartels. We were the first media source to break the story about Lana Del Rey not being financed or associated with Mexican drug dealers. Then just this week Puss openly admitted her own association with said criminals while mocking the strikingly blunted, toothless hipster hip hop master, Danny Brown.

Then I opened up my writing assignment to discover that I was assigned a toy glorifying Cuban drug lord Tony Danza. I was told to write my impressions on this $225 Enterbay Toy Exclusive. My impression was horror and disgust.

Tony Danza AKA Scarface, (not to be confused with the delightful R&B Singer and Children’s Author, Scarface) was a violent mass murder who was directly responsible for getting Jimmy Carter strung out on coke, and introducing the leisure suit into American culture. Through his drug cartel contacts, he also brought the word “fuck” into vogue. Why the fuck would Enterbay think that it was a good idea to idolize this South American menace is beyond me. It’s irresponsible, it’s immoral.

I think the artists at Enterbay need to stop and ask, what would Jesus do? Well I can tell you what he DOESN’T do. He doesn’t speak Spanish, he doesn’t sell cocaine, he doesn’t listen to Lana Del Rey, he doesn’t wear tight jeans, he doesn’t huff glue and he doesn’t say fuck all the time. He also sure as fuck doesn’t wear gold chains.

So shame on you Enterbay, for your beautifully sculpted, detailed and irresponsible Scarface Exclusive. Visit their site and let them know that you believe this is wrong.

Gene Hollyweather (Swellco & Swellco 23381b)

Photos courtesy of http://www.enterbay.com

On the cosmic scale of time and space, our world does not exist.

The omnipotent freedom of the internet is as much of a myth as that of Democracy. There is no true search engine. There is no true navigator. The more you intensify the focus of your search the less likely you will ever get to where you want to go. The internet represents a tyranny of choice, a burden of information vomited into a void of non space. The web represents the eternity of mind and thought. The chance of fifty thousand other people posting this exact same point of view on other web pages right now is extremely high. The chance of them ever reading or finding this text is extremely low. We are all lost in “space.” It is as if every person walked out side and stood on their soap box and began to scream and masturbate at the exact same time.

Accept the Unreality.
Embrace the New Flesh.

Create
Subvert
Dominate
Swellco & Swellco

Photos courtesy of mulhercervejafutebol.tumblr.com