Quitting your job doesn’t set an example. 

It’s all over the web right now that Sasha Grey was reading to Compton 1st graders. Everyone is pissed at the ex powerhouse porn star turned out of work actress and indie photographer dream model for being near kids. Will some one please think of the children?

I am generally very pro porn star in that I regularly masturbate to them. But for once I’ve got to stand with the priests, football coaches and Jesus on this one, I think clearly, Sasha Grey, the girl who pioneered double anal ATM has finally stepped over the line.

The fact is, there is just no room for reading any more. Books are expensive, unnecessary and designed to make you feel stupid with pages and pages of words that don’t mean anything if you set them on fire and throw them at cars from a pedestrian overpass. What was Sasha Grey trying to prove by reading? Was she trying to make those children feel stupid? Was she like “look at me, I’m a hot chick with no gag reflex who knows things, blah blah blah and smart stuff.” Probably, and thats not setting an example for anyone doomed to prison or Walmart.

I feel like Sasha Grey is no role model, she QUIT doing porn. Orally servicing “job creators” is one of the only industries Americans have left. If Sasha Grey wants to make a difference, she needs to stand tall by getting back on her knees and show our youth what they have to look forward too.

Lets try and remember her when she wasn’t rubbing her literacy in our faces. 

-Uncle Wheat Toast
Swellco & Swellco 54239c

Photos courtesy of http://sashagrey.com

Ever feel like it’s all just a big joke? Like every time you think you’ve got an escape, the door slams back in your face? You are tired of being laughed at, tired of being the joke. There are no miracles, there is no magic, Not in THIS reality.

The future is now. This is as good as it gets and it’s not going to get any better again. At Swellco & Swellco, we say, if you are going to die anyway, why even play the game? One reality is just as good as another, so why not submit to the Swellco & Swellco Video Process?

Our consultants are eagerly waiting to assess your needs, earn your trust and feel your pain. We know how hopeless the future looks and we have alternatives to the brutal reality you are forced to endure.

Don’t you hate when you find out about about the party the day after it happened?
Or you hear the band you’ve just discovered broke up last year and you’ll never get a chance to see them live or hear a new album?

That’s how I feel about Emma Mae.

How often do you find yourself looking up from your drink across the bar at some cute-but-annoyingly-shrill-hipster who definitely needs to shut the fuck up and take a dick in the mouth (Or a strap on, let’s not be sexist)? Well along comes super cute tattooed Emma Mae delivering those hazy pub fantasies pumping out scene after scene of scenester degradation. And then you find out that although she just entered the wonderful world of porn last year at the sprightly age of 18, she’s already fucking retired at 19.

What is that shit? She could have been a mega-star!

But alas, she’ll forever remain a very cute but slightly obscure, under appreciated fuck actress with a marginal yet devout fan base.

And perhaps, that’s just what she wanted.

-Kevin Dalton
Swellco & Swellco 83473t

All this traveling is giving me nose bleeds…City to city securing the necessities for the Party of The Great Wrath is no small task. Hell, I only speak two languages and my first very poorly. My traveling companion only speaks French and I don’t, not a lick of it. The one thing we do share is the unequivocal rush of cheap thrills. We find each others companionship to be suitable.

It is straight up stupid to calculate the odds of survival during the shuddering last moments. Perhaps it is better to embrace it and burn through your resources like cash at an Indian Casino. The psychologically catastrophic event must be embraced for what it is…you will gain nothing but pure exhilaration. The excitement of knowing that in the very final minutes you are only one of many, within a crowd, united by the coming indifference. All identity will fade, as we, the great unwashed, will spiral in unison…And in the final minutes, suffering under “The Great Dark Hand,” we are all only as strong as our vices.

- El Chacal (Swellco & Swellco 33259c)

Swellco & Swellco is here to make your transition to the other side as painless as possible.

Do you ever wish you could “go back” to your childhood? Longing to “revisit the past?”  When you embrace the Swellco & Swellco Video Process you realize that time is fluid, that your memories are a place and reality is malleable.

“There is a high correlation between the initial cerebral activity pattern (when an individual is shown an image) and the later cerebral activity pattern (when the individual begins to recall the image). This brain activity isn’t localized in a certain place in the brain, it has a very complex pattern – in other words, a certain memory isn’t stored in a certain place, it is a complex combination of reactions. These things suggest that the remembering process is a sort of “mental time travel.”
“When you try to remember something that happened in the past, what you do is try to reinstate your mental context from that event,” said Preta. “If you can get yourself into the mindset that you were in during the event you’re trying to remember, that will allow you to remember specific details. The techniques that we used in this study allow us to visualize from moment to moment how well subjects are recapturing their mindset from the original event.”

-Dr. Santiago Preta Swellco 88666b

You are alone and reading this right now and this moment is real. But in twenty years, it will be a fading recollection that you will have to concentrate and struggle to “get back to.” If. twenty years from now, you forget that you read this, then this moment will cease to exist all together. In the oceans of time, the life boat that is your mind always sinks. In the oceans of time, nothing is real.

Don’t you think it’s time to run away and join the Circus?

She’s outta yer league…and you know it. Now repeat, “She’s outta my league and I know it.” Then learn, that Gemma Massey was discovered while stocking baked beans at a super market. In “The Land of Indifference” this seems like justice to me. There are far too many who step over those believed to exist as peripheral service just cause they don’t have the cash for dinner at Cafe Stella. The closeted vendetta I hold yelps that Gemma Massey is proof of this…this justice. So be good to your bean stocker, or counter, or what have you. Then quit being such a dick and ask yourself…”Paper or Plastic.”

The Revolution is now and I’m ready to go off.

Be sure to check out her site

- El Chacal (Swellco & Swellco 33259c)

Photos courtesy of gemmamasseyonline.com

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

Feel like your life is coming up short? You did everything they told you and you are still a disappointment.

At the Video Circus there is no shame. Once you have consciously and subconsciously embraced the subversive subliminal video process, you join a group that does not join groups, you enter a world that does not have limitations because in the Video Circus, nothing is real. Concepts like humility, morality, civility and reality simply do not apply. Here we are all whores. Here we are all carnivores. Here everyone is a martyr, a bully, a coward and a king. We are gluttonous and feast on the milk and breads of virgin angels. Our Circus never ends.

You know it’s time and you know you have nothing to loose. A soul carries no currency if it’s already damned.

Ivana Fukalot makes me feel like a creep.

I can rationalize that even though she may look all of 16, she is, of course… legal; And that it’s perfectly natural for a man to find himself attracted to pretty, young girls…

Still, I feel like a creep.

Ivana reminds me of underage countergirl that works at the pizzeria around the corner from me. The one that flirts with me incessantly and shamelessly in front of her father. The same father who leers violently in my general direction every time I order something, as if he knows for a fact that when I get home, I’ll probably rub one out to the image of his daughter before I even take the fucking calzone out of the wrapper. And I probably will.

I shouldn’t feel that way about Ivanna Fukalot.

After all, she’s an 18yr old former high fashion model from Russia who took up porn and corny stage name for the fame and fortune. She’s not some hot nubile 16yr old pizzeria counter girl begging to be taught a lesson for flirting with older men.

No… I shouldn’t feel like a creep.

I shouldn’t.

But I’ve a feeling I’ve a lot of company.

-Kevin Dalton
Swellco & Swellco 83473t

ivanafukalot.com

“The light of the past is the light which was
The wisdom of the past is the light of the past
The light of the future is the light which is to be
The wisdom of the future is the light of the future see
Yesterday belongs to the dead
Tomorrow belongs to the living
The past is certified as a finished product
Anything which has ended is finished
That which is perfect is finished
The perfect man is no exception to the rule
The perfect man of the past is made according to the rule of the past
The rule of the past is a law of injustice and hypocrisy
The revelation of the meaning of the law is revealed through the law itself
The wisdom of the past is the light of the past
The light which is to be the wisdom of the future
The light of the future casts the shadows of tomorrow
Sun ra
Sun ra
Lord Quas
Madlib”

-Madlib

It’s Valentines day, the day to celebrate love… It is just as fashionable to bitch about Valentines day as it is to celebrate it, eh-hem, Miss LaTease. I think I want to go another direction. Today I want to profess my adoration to my pretend girlfriend, Belladonna.

Belladonna isn’t the playboy “girl next door,” she’s the girl who lives next door. A cute girl with a sweet smile and an innocence about her. She doesn’t appear to be unattainable, she feels like the girl anyone might have taken to the prom.

What enamors me the most about her, is her ability to retain that innocence.
Most seasoned sex workers have the dead eyes. That long piercing stare, as if they are looking straight through you. I don’t believe the asshole adage that sex workers are dead inside, I do believe they are armored and camouflaged beyond a normal mortals ability to enter. If the eyes are the gate way to the soul, the gateway to a porn star is guarded and closed. However, this isn’t the case with Belladonna, years in the adult business have gone by and still, there is a twinkle in her eye.

The story goes that she was raised in a strict mormon family and had barely had sex when she found herself in her first scene- rough anal. Her second scene- a brutal anal gang bang. She became known for doing things most high end porn stars would say no to- rough face fucking, double anal, fisting. All the while, she STILL retained a bouncy air. She explores some of the darkest, most taboo aspects of sexuality both as a star and a director, and that twinkle is STILL there.

While many interpret Belladonna’s happy vibe for  ditziness, I have a sneaking suspicion that she is a very complicated woman. Because of this, I dedicate my sappiest of Valentines Day wishes to that girl that can take on 20 cocks at once and never loose her smile.

Check out Belladonna at her site
-Kevin Dalton
Swellco & Swellco 83473t

Photos courtesy of enterbelladonna.com