What do you think the C stands for?

Like many others, I’m constantly on the lookout for anything that will assist me as I claw my way to the top of Mt. Fabulosity.  While researching the VaJazzle (more to come on that gem- no pun intended) I came across a lovely little number called the C-String.

Um, WOW.  I, for one, cannot wait to try this amazing little number.  It looks absolutely astounding- and I’m toying with the idea of attaching a front flap so I’ll have a pocket for a subway token or some lipgloss.  I find it mesmerizing…  almost magical.  It floats majestically over the labia, like perfectly groomed satin pubes glossed over with a new coat of Manic Panic.  I’m envisioning a gardenia print with a red lining embellished with a Gucci logo, to match my shoes.  Oh~ how astounding!!!!

If anyone’s interested in a fashion show, I’ll challenge you to a duel.

C U Next Tuesday,
XOXO,

Helen Harper
(Swellco & Swellco 44321)

Oooooh, right, it’s the shape.

Human’s matter,” says Dr. Santiago Preta, (Swellco & Swellco 88666b) Head of the Subversive Subliminal Test Video Project “The values and beliefs we share with humans matter. Our actions as overlords matter. How we relate to our victims matters. These are our assets, our source of profit, our pets made of putty.”

Preta offers these tips for Staff Consultants:

1. Get to know consumer assets. It’s hard to talk about sex with someone you’ve never spoken to. Research indicates that the more humans are connected to reality the less likely they are to be engaged in unauthorized sexual activity.
2. Begin early.
3. Know your strategy. It is hard to strike if you are unclear on where you stand. Consumer assets want to know and want to know from their betters.
4. Talk to consumer assets, early and often. One talk about the birds and the bees is not enough. As they grow and develop you will need to provide diagrams and video.
5. Know your Consumer assets every move. Know what they are doing. Show an interest and impose fear.
6. Have high expectations about animal sacrifice for new consumer assets and communicate that to them. Humans with with goals are more likely to become sexually active and malleable.
7. Know who your consumer asset is dating, marrying or reproducing with. If he/she is unauthorized, you should be concerned and take strike fast and hard.
8. Be media savvy. Watch some of the music videos; listen to the music that they are listening to, read their email, bug their home. Discuss what they are seeing, hearing and thinking. Help your consumer asset to understand that many are sending the wrong message.
9. Make sure your consumer asset has regular health exams. Doctors can also provide advice and guidance for humans about religion.
10. Encourage your consumer asset to be involved in recreational drugs.*

Photos courtesy of pornoland.tumblr.com

People forget who Christmas is really for, it’s for the CHILDREN. Those fun loving tikes are just learning the difference between right and wrong  and they’re just learning who lil’ baby Jesus is. So to celebrate this holy of holy days, I’m presenting my favorite child poem about Christmas for the good kids out there. For the naughty ones, I’m presenting our hottest of hotties Kurtis, doing her Krampus the Christmas Demon dance.

Baby’s First X-mas!

You have to hold him up to see
The angel on the Christmas tree.
And even though he’s still too small
To know the meaning of it all
You watch his eyes reflect the glow
Of colored lights that come and go
And feel him quiver with delight
At every new and wondrous sight.
There’s Santa with his jolly face
Beaming from the fireplace.
And from the stocking hanging there
Peeks a cuddly teddy bear.
Bright ornaments and candy canes –
Musical toy and wooden trains –
There’s just no end to the delights
Spread out for him this night of nights!
He points and grins from ear to ear
And then he yawns – his bedtime’s near!
Dad gives him a kiss and you tuck him away
To rest up for the fun of his first Christmas Day!

-R.E. Brown
Swellco & Swellco 64312b

Photos Courtesy of R.E. Brown

Now as I’m rollin’ with my nigga Dre and Eastwood
Fuckin’ hoes, clockin’ dough up to no good

Want to help your hoes increase their abilities to earn? Get them in the habit of eating a nutritious breakfast each morning and they’ll be on their way to a better hoe day!

Playas want to give their hoes every advantage when it comes to boosting their earning potential, yet many pimps are overlooking a simple, surefire way to help their hoes be better hoes—breakfast! See that your bitch gets a good breakfast each morning before heading off to the corner, and you’ll be giving your hoe an essential start to his day.

-Uncle Wheat Toast
Swellco & Swellco 54239c

Photos courtesy of creepyfind.tumblr.com

Well, in light of Philadelphia’s new police state concerning bike riders with no brakes (track-bikes), I guess I’m safe.   I wouldn’t wanna brake the law.  I won’t wear  my headphones when I ride because I have no where to put my iPod.  But, where do I keep my bicycle registration now?

-Acid Squid
Swellco & Swellco 11283d