Yes, it’s a cheap high, but it’s a high that makes you look cheap

Times are tough, no one is denying that. The banks have screwed us, the corporations have bought off the politicians and the jobs have all been shipped away so the CEO’s can help themselves to another bonus. The country is bankrupt, our civil rights are being stripped away in the name of a war that never ends and all that’s on tonight is Real House Wives of New Jersey.

People are looking for escape in the worst places. The practice of huffing glue and other inhalants is reaching a fever pitched national epidemic not seen since Crack, Meth or Bukkake. This trend has gripped a whole generation of young people and our educational system reflects it. Huffing doesn’t discriminate by race, religion or sex. Huffing is a plague that has taken hold of peoples lives everywhere, whether it’s in the city, in the suburbs, in bumble fuck hickville or on the open sea, huffing is real, and it’s probably happening in your household right now.

Swellco & Swellco is hosting a fun night of learning, love and laughter in Philadelphia, Pa in order to get the word out that there are more glamorous alternatives to glue or paint in a dirty sock.
Get high on God*,
get high on Weed,
get high on Porn,
get high on Four Loco,
get high on more Weed,
get high on Quilting,
get high on Group Sex,
get high on Witchcraft
get high on even more Weed,
and most importantly, get high on Weed.

Join Needles Jones & The Jawn Band for the
Drug Jawn Disco Dance Party Anti-Huffing Educational Outreach
Febuary 11th
9:00 Pm
PhilaMOCA: The Philadelphia Mausoleum of Contemporary Art
531 North 12th St.
Philadelphia, PA
Featuring Performances by the Jawn Band, Needles Jones, The Huffing Glue Dancers, Louise LaTease, Keycifer Black and many more whose names we don’t know yet.

Stand up to Huffing and say, “that’s kinda fucked up.”

Photos courtesy of http://fuckyeahsexanddrugs.tumblr.com & http://epicnsfw.tumblr.com

*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.

A post as old as moldy bread, but twice as tasty

When yourresources are limited for a blog, and you find yourself relying on “the blog circuit,” a reporter writes a “stranger than fiction” piece… and then it gets passed around the web like a moldy piece of bread. Since our staff continues to be M.I.A., I went digging through the dust bin of our drafts section to see what was there. The start of this little diddy was sitting in Louise LaTease’s drafts with dust all over it. It was months old, and then I discovered it had made its way through the blog circuit back in 08′. Ancient by todays standards. So I had to contemplate whether or not to to publish this.

The answer was of course I should publish it; it’s fucking bread that looks like real people. When you eat the fucking bread, you look like a god damned cannibal. God knows it’s a subject I’ve contemplated before (the cannibalism, not the bread-eating). Kittiwat Unarrom is a sick Tai fine artist and master baker -get it? – that turned a store front into an interactive art gallery for his edible sculptures. This shit makes me seriously hungry. If you’ll forgive me, I need to go make a sandwich.

R.E. Brown
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Photos courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/ojimbo

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Photos courtesy of http://meusksetes.tumblr.com & http://monolithofwrath.tumblr.com

If the staff of Swellco & Swellco wasn’t so busy masturbating to furry sex and sniffing glue, we would probably beat everyone to the punch in the whole world of what’s hot and what’s not all the time.

Case in point- Megan Massacre. Our darling super star resident hottie Louise isn’t really named Louise, it’s her burlesque stage name dating back to when she was in the Peek a Boo Revue. Her real name is Meagan. (The extra A is for aggravate, as in it is fun to watch Meagan aggravate R.E. Brown) Last year our Louise/Meagan was going to change her name only to find the name she wanted was taken by another Philadelphia hottie model who is also a tattoo artist.

We vowed to sign her on to S&S with plans to get her naked in front of the camera. But guess what, we are drunk, A LOT and it never happened.

Now Philadelphia’s own Megan Massacre has moved to NYC to be on the Discovery Channel reality show NY Ink. I don’t think we’ll be getting her naked anytime soon. “Swellco & Swellco, a dollar late and a day short.”

-Marcus Abrey
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Photos courtesy of http://www.myspace.com/meganwoznickitattoo & modelmayhem.com/MeganMassacre

Sneak peek of Episode 2 of the Video Circus

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

6 WRATH Parties and NO apocalypse. Thanks Macho Man.

Well, the end of the world came and went with nothing but brutal hangovers and spotty memories of twisted decadence to mark the “Ooops never mind Apocalypse.” Neither Harold Camping or our own management foresaw the martyrdom of Macho Man Randy Savage or his heavenly victory in stopping the destruction and judgement of us all.

We may not be dead, but we aren’t bitter about it here at Swellco & Swellco. We managed to achieve something quite remarkable. We managed to organize and co-ordinate 5 S&S events on the same night, and from the photos that are trickling in, they all looked pretty fierce.

More astonishing was that a 6th unofficial party in AZ occurred without us even being involved.

After the cataclysmic bio-hazard issues at the final Hard Times party, a continuous debate raged on whether or not an official blood, feces & sodomy ban needed to be in place. Ironically, no reports of this being an issue have come back.

Some interesting high points that have been reported to us.

-The Buenos Aires WRATH was the largest in attendance with 350 people toasting to the end of us all. However only 26 dressed in Fury costumes.

-It ends up that the Auckland New Zealand party was NOT officially sponsored by Hell’s Pizza who was unaware of  the bikini bottom pizza party pre-WRATH party, party. the 40 guests were all evicted from the premises after they decided to change the bikini bottom pizza party theme into a NO bottom pizza party.

-In Las Vegas a guest of the End Times Burlesque Extravaganza accidentally set the bathroom on fire at the Double Down Saloon. This however really isn’t that note worthy in that someone sets SOMETHING on fire there every night.

-At the Bergen Norway Bond Fire it is reported, but not confirmed that a real goat was sacrificed. We are waiting for photo confirmation. Swellco & Swellco would like to state that we do not engage in or endorse cruelty to animals and if any such act did occur, it was not in any official capacity and S&S management was unaware of any plans for this to happen.

-In Philadelphia management & employee assets gathered in our armed palatial compound to contemplate the end. Sadly everyone became so inebriated that we actually forgot to hold the Hula Hoop Contest.  One of the scarier moments occurred when hosts Louise LaTease and Needles Jones made out on our stage. The world WAS coming to an end after all…

Sadly, the end of ending the world brings happy and sad announcements. The decision to launch our Swellco & Swellco Approved Party  Listing & Newsletter was put on hold when we received the news about the Rapture. Obviously, now that service will go forward. However, as we begin to focus on finding the most original and bizarre live events in our cities, we will be suspending our locally sponsored parties indefinitely. Philadelphia, you’ve been characteristically awesome and inhospitable as only Philly can be.

More Photos Sets of various WRATH parties will be posted as they all come in.

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Photos courtesy of http://superwoobinda.tumblr.com

Swallow your soul.

Our Third Featured WRATH party is in our home town: Philadelphia.

Who knew the business of watching the world end could be so much work?  Corporate Office has the inside scoop, and Harold Camping is right. Apparently, Baby Jesus is swooping down on May 21st to kick some ass and drag us all to hell. Our decision was to say “fuck it, let’s throw a party.” Unfortunately, after our Director of Operations busted his ass for 2 months setting up parties all over the planet, word of our now WORLD INFAMOUS ‘Hard Times’ parties got out… and we faced a cascade of venue cancelations as a result. Even our home base Philly venue gave us the boot. After we announced our Blood and Feces Free Guarantee they agreed early on, then, without explanation, we got the high hat. Well, fuck the Khyber Pass Pub with their “rules” and “health codes” and “public safety regulations…” the world is coming to an end anyway.

Swellco & Swellco is going underground for our final party:

May 20th
Bearded Lady Hula Hoop Contest

9:00 Private party. Contatct info @ swellco2000.com for secret location
$8 donation, open bar
80 guest limit RSVP required
Free to ladies with beards and hula hoops or drag queens
Hosted by Needles Jones and Louise LaTease

For the Philadelphia WRATH End Times Pre-Party we rescind our Blood and Feces Free Guarantee. We do not promise the event will be 100% blood and feces free. We do not promise live sodomy will not be performed on stage.
All the prohibitions the Khyber Pass Pub tried to force on our guests will not apply to the party including but not limited to:

-full frontal nudity
-razor blades
-enema bottles
-bottle rockets
-dildos
-adult diapers
-tasers
-pigs’ heads
-roller skates
-and pudding.

Seriously, we’re all going to hell, and life is just a circus.

For more on the WRATH End Times Pre-Party Project click here.

Yes, Kitty Porn. As in, porn for cats.

Not children.

That’s completely different.

You’re disgusting.

This, depending on your point of view, is slightly disgusting also, but somehow adorably cute at the same time. I don’t exactly know what to make of this “Kitty Porn” business. I mean, I’ve always been a cat person, but this is pushing it. I’ll bet that furry Louise LaTease gets off on this shit, though.

-Annette Garcia NYC
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I remember the first time I ever saw Steve Buscemi: that scene in Billy Madison where it cuts to Buscemi crossing people off his hit list then relaxing to ELO while generously and introspectively applying red lipstick. Granted, that whole movie doesn’t really make any sense at all, but the first time I saw this scene I had a serious WTF moment. “Who the hell is this guy? Why is he putting on lipstick? Why do I find him creepy yet marginally attractive? What’s up with those eyes?”

Apparently, other people have been asking what’s up with Steve Buscemi’s eyes, and making tumblr accounts dedicated to the art form. What is it, exactly, about Steve Buscemi’s eyes? I personally feel that they must hold nothing but the deepest, darkest secrets of the elder gods. I may be wrong. Others, it seems, envision his eyes on hot girls’ faces. Gotta say, never thought of that. What do Christina Ricci, Kate Middleton and and Britney Spears have in common? They all look even creepier with Steve Buscemi’s eyes, or “Buscemeyes,” if you will.

Check out the newest additions to Chicks with Buscemeyes here, and you’ll never look at him the same way again, even if he did make the most out of being named Mr. Pink. Not creepy enough? Give yourself Steve Buscemeyes.

-Louise LaTease Philadelphia
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