Where are you gonna hide a gun with pants that tight?

One of the biggest challenges I face in running a successful drug compound/cartel is staffing.  Good muscle is just so hard to keep hard & I never want any of my soldiers going soft.  As much as I like to get high on god and or weed*, lounging on piles of ill-gotten money with my heavily muscled help is my anti-drug.

I don’t hire based on personality: quiet doesn’t always mean deadly & obnoxious doesn’t necessarily mean rapey.

I also don’t hire based on skill with weapons.  My armory bulges to such a degree I don’t give a shit about precision; I love seeing the drywall fly & count on collateral damage.

I choose my men-at-arms by what they wear to the interview process.  The right clothes help you blend in appropriately, are extremely functional & will lend the appropriate air of ‘‘I don’t care if your brains get all over me; my leather duster wipes clean in a flash”.

This last guy came highly recommended, so I skipped the loyalty tests & offered to just take him up in my helicopter to confirm he wasn’t policia.  As he walked across the tarmac, his tiger stripe hoodie (with cute little ears) blew back to show his wacky hair-do.  Does he want my enemies to laugh as they cut us to ribbons & bang his dead, furry ass?  & then, this idiot’s jeans were so tight he couldn’t bring his leg up high enough to get aboard; where is he supposed to hide contraband, stacks of money, automatic weapons & my lipstick in that get up?

My guard kicked him in the face & knocked his front tooth out.

Last I heard, he was going to my neighbor 50 Cent for a job.

He can be found under a rock at his fucking myspace page- 

Puss Bainbridge (Swellco & Swellco 88321c)

Photos courtesy of http://www.myspace.com/dannybrownrd & http://justnakedpeople.tumblr.com

*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.

For the most part, I tend to think ‘remakes’ are a useless; Hackneyed attempts to capture, repackage and resell the magic of something that was right for it’s time. That’s why when I heard about Cartoon Network’s remake of the Thudercats, the best you could get out of me was a “Meh”.

And that was true until I saw her, the golden haired feline object of most of my pre-pubescent fantasies, Cheetarah.

I’ll admit it, I used to rub one out to the cat girl on a weekly basis when I was a kid. She was my imaginary girlfriend/pet. (Not that I’m one of those creepy furries, like some people around this office).

But now with the new series, what I’m looking forward to most is new Cheetarah Cosplayers, new Cheetarah Rule 34, and I’m sure a new Thundercats Porno Paradoy is in the works. Plus, blasphemy it may be, but the new cartoon is actually better than the old one.  Let me know if you disagree.

- Jimi Jam
Swellco & Swellco #23234b

Yes, Kitty Porn. As in, porn for cats.

Not children.

That’s completely different.

You’re disgusting.

This, depending on your point of view, is slightly disgusting also, but somehow adorably cute at the same time. I don’t exactly know what to make of this “Kitty Porn” business. I mean, I’ve always been a cat person, but this is pushing it. I’ll bet that furry Louise LaTease gets off on this shit, though.

-Annette Garcia NYC
Swellco & Swellco 54823a

An Ode To The Confectionery Delight Of Our Childhood
By Serina “Sugar Bear” Thomson-Downing

Sugar, sugar, sugar
Sugar, sugar, sugar
Sugar, sugar, sugar
Ummm…
My Cotton (Cotton)
Candy (Candy)
My Cotton (Cotton)
Candy (Candy)

Sugar, sugar, sugar
Sugar, sugar, sugar
Sugar, sugar, sugar
Ummm…
My Cotton (Cotton)
Candy (Candy)
My Cotton (Cotton)
Candy (Candy)

Boy don’t you deny it
Cause I seen you eyein’
My Cotton (Cotton) Candy (Candy)
My Cotton (Cotton) Candy (Candy)
And it’s so sugary
That it’s got you beggin’ me
For just a little taste
A little something like there’s just no time to wait
(There’s just no time to wait)
The smells so sweet, ya poppin’
Tryna get a bite of me, no stoppin’
Yeah, and the sugar gets you hoppin’
And constantly repeatin’ of how ya wantin’

My Cotton, My Cotton, My Cotton
Candy
Got you wantin’, you wantin’, you wantin’
A taste of me

Sugar, sugar, sugar
Sugar, sugar, sugar
Sugar, sugar, sugar
Ummm…
My Cotton (Cotton)
Candy (Candy)
My Cotton (Cotton)
Candy (Candy)

Photos courtesy of  vivalafashi0n.tumblr.com & culturetrash.tumblr.com

We have bad intentions

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Subvert: The second tenant of The Swellco & Swellco Video Process.
sub·vert (s?b-vûrt’) tr.v.  sub·vert·ed, sub·vert·ing, sub·verts
1. To destroy completely; ruin: “schemes to subvert the liberties of a great community” (Alexander Hamilton).
2. To undermine the character, morals, or allegiance of; corrupt.
3. To overthrow completely: “Economic assistance … must subvert the existing … feudal or tribal order” (Henry A. Kissinger). See Synonyms at overthrow.

While The Subversive Subliminal Video Process conditioning’s first mandate is to CREATE a new world by altering one’s perspective and perception of the current reality, the second step coincides hand and hand with the first. Subversion of reality is necessary in order to re-sculpt one’s world view and break from the reality all consumers find themselves trapped in. It is the Video Circus Consumers responsibility and duty to undermine all things deemed “normal” and rally and praise all things unusual. If it is bendable, bend it. If it can be broken, break it. Any fabric in society that is flammable should and must be set ablaze. We are all imprisoned in this physical world, it is our duty to resist and rebel against our jailer.

Photos courtesy of http://gunsoverknives.tumblr.com & http://rebelchild-rock-n-roll-wild.tumblr.com