Ever feel like it’s all just a big joke? Like every time you think you’ve got an escape, the door slams back in your face? You are tired of being laughed at, tired of being the joke. There are no miracles, there is no magic, Not in THIS reality.

The future is now. This is as good as it gets and it’s not going to get any better again. At Swellco & Swellco, we say, if you are going to die anyway, why even play the game? One reality is just as good as another, so why not submit to the Swellco & Swellco Video Process?

Our consultants are eagerly waiting to assess your needs, earn your trust and feel your pain. We know how hopeless the future looks and we have alternatives to the brutal reality you are forced to endure.

The nuns are bound to the celebration of the entire Liturgy of the Hours in choir.

We hear a great deal of seekers after the video process and professors of the video process, of video process teaching and video process meetings. The great test of whether the reality we profess to seek or to attain is truth and life will be whether it be manifest in the increasing lack of shame it produces. In the creature, a lack of shame is the one thing needed to allow Swellco & Swellco’s video process to dwell in him and shine through him. At the private circus, Swellco & Swellco creates the new reality for us, a divine reality is the secret of our life and our death and our exaltation; the one infallible test of our video process will be the lack of inhibition before the agents of Swellco & Swellco and the lust which marks us. There is no shame in the bloom and the beauty of the Swellco & Swellco Video Process.

Create
Subvert
Dominate
Swellco & Swellco

Create
Subvert
Dominate
Swellco & Swellco

Pleasure is God

Photos courtesy of gunsoverknives.tumblr.com & dreamingofpink.tumblr.com

We trade in the greatest commodity

Swellco & Swellco was created with your future in mind. We know the average person wants to bury their head these days. Well Swellco & Swellco wants to be the sand you hide in. Why burden yourself with horrible weights like morality, civility or reality?

There are 10 tenants to the Swellco & Swellco subversive subliminal mental reconditioning. Once these 10 concepts are fully accepted both consciously and subconsciously, a consumer is freed from the mental shackles our senses impose and can re-embrace the comforts of our id.
1. Create
2. Subvert
3. Dominate
4. Indulge
5. Persist
6. Regret Nothing
7. Pleasure is God
8. Time is Fluid
9. Memories are False
10. Video is Real

Photos courtesy of culturetrash.tumblr.com

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

Feel like your life is coming up short? You did everything they told you and you are still a disappointment.

At the Video Circus there is no shame. Once you have consciously and subconsciously embraced the subversive subliminal video process, you join a group that does not join groups, you enter a world that does not have limitations because in the Video Circus, nothing is real. Concepts like humility, morality, civility and reality simply do not apply. Here we are all whores. Here we are all carnivores. Here everyone is a martyr, a bully, a coward and a king. We are gluttonous and feast on the milk and breads of virgin angels. Our Circus never ends.

You know it’s time and you know you have nothing to loose. A soul carries no currency if it’s already damned.

Our Tentacles Begin to Reach Out

Numb by the endless sea of porn on your computer? Bored with the 1.5 million movies on your streaming Netflix? You want to get out of the house but you don’ t know where to go or what to do. You find that all the event listings out there are boring vanilla bullshit that doesn’t interest your jaded sensibilities. We feel your pain, after a hard day on 4chan or chat roulette, you don’t feel like going to a wine tasting or a walking tour. You want little people wresting in luchador masks, black metal bands and human pony rides. As always, Swellco & Swellco is here to help.

You may have noticed The button list of cities along the left column for some time. They are exactly what they look like. In May 2011 we are going to begin Swellco Approved Event Listings.

This isn’t some automated event listing riddled with corporate promotional events. We search out the strangest and most interesting events and hand pick who we suggest to you. With Swellco & Swellco you never get bored.

-Why are you doing this?

Because we can’t find a single event directory that honestly speaks to our jaded tastes. We feel like someone needs to step up and take the reigns.

-What kind of events will you post?

We focus on events we would want to go to.
Sideshow Events
Burlesque Performances
Roller Derbies
Skate Competitions
Underground Theatre
Amateur Wrestling
Edgy Art Openings
Indie Film Nights
Rock N’ Roll DJ nights
Fetish Parties
Drag Shows
Bands that Don’t Suck
Shit that wakes us up from our boredom.

-How many events will you post?

Our goal is to post 1-3 events per day for each city’s section.

-Why didn’t my event get posted?

Maybe you aren’t our cup of tea, maybe competition was tight that day and you just didn’t get in. This isn’t an auto listing. We are hand picking the events we think sound the most interesting.

-What do I need to do in order to submit a listing?

Send us an email to the city you are in.
Philadelphia
philly_swellco @ swellco2000.com
New York City
nyc_swellco @ swellco2000.com
Los Angeles
la_swellco @ swellco2000.com
San Francisco
sanfran_swellco @ swellco2000.com
Chicago
chitown_swellco @ swellco2000.com

Include the following information.
Name
Date
Location
Admission
3-5 sentences description
Website (optional)
1 photo (optional)

-What is that smell?

That is the smell of your brain being fried from the Subversive Subliminal Test Signal we are pumping into your brain to make you buy shit you don’t need.

-How will I find out when your listings are updated?

Once a week we will post one blog entry highlighting an event from each city we have infiltrated, and a link back to the list of cities. We will be posting this to our Facebook page and sending out a newsletter. Of course you can check the side column for you city any time.

-Do I need to register?

Not at this time. Right now we are keeping this very informal. Just drop us a line with the information we need.

-Why don’t you list events in my city?

We are a small, underfunded site just getting off the ground. As we infiltrate a city, we will expand.

-How do I sign up for your updates?

Like our FB page on the right column or join our newsletter bellow if you need to be reminded. Otherwise, stop by regularly.

-How do I show my gratitude for turning me on to so much coolness?

Tell your friends, buy our swag, click on our sponsors, submit yourself to the subversive subliminal test video signal, kiss your grandma, rape a goat.

1. Combine 1 part water with 3 parts corn syrup (honey syrup in the UK).
2. Add red food coloring and mix gently by shaking or stirring. Continue adding drops until the shade resembles that of real blood. Add a small amount of blue food coloring to achieve a more realistic shade.
3. Add a thickener.
   • Dry thickener – Add sifted flour or corn starch to your mixture, and gently mix it all again. You may get small lumps forming at the top of the mixture. Wait about a minute and they will float to the top where you can remove them.
   • Wet thickener – Stir in chocolate syrup until the desired consistency is reached. It will also add a realistic brown tone to the blood.
4. Let the mixture sit for ten minutes in a warm environment. This will give it some time to thicken. And then you can freak people out with it, it is a lot of fun. Note: this recipe yields blood that is very sticky initially, especially in hair.

Now are you ready to watch Tokyo Gore Police? Check out the movie site
-Marcus Abrey Swellco & Swellco 24534b

Always the office crack up, that’s Louise.

Because they’re so important to us and to our creating a positive experience for our customers, we’ll let a few members of our staff introduce themselves. Today we’d like to introduce systems administrator, Louise L’tease (Swellco & Swellco 13493a).

When Louise joined Swellco & Swellco in 2008 as a  System’s Administrator, she wanted to work in a challenging, fast-paced environment and be part of an exciting company on the leading edge of sinister mind control practices. Well, she got her wish. And it doesn’t hurt that, according to Louise, “blood sacrifice rocks.” All those long hours and dead animals paid off. Louise has recently been promoted to Artistic Director of the Swellco &  Swellco Community Outreach Division. For Louise, working here brings new and exciting challenges every day. Before selling us her soul, she spent 5 years in a mental hospital in New Jersey where she ate pudding. Prior to that she slept in a Baltimore ditch and battled trolls for a year. Louise has also gained significant technology experience working for Rackspace Managed Hosting in San Antonio as a Linux System Administrator and at Lockheed Martin’s Consolidated Space Operations Contract at the Johnson Space Center as a Jr. System Administrator. She loves soft cheese, stepping on cockroaches and line dancing. Also, during her days off, she stalks high school boys as human prey.

Louise is competing in the Employee of the Month Contest

Swellco & Swellco's Needles Jones is Loved by All

At Swellco & Swellco, we listen. We take the time to take our customers needs into consideration, because that’s what a good company is supposed to do. Here is just a single example of how people are taking their time to say “thanks Swellco & Swellco!”

—————– Original Message —————–
From: THE Professional
To: R.E. Brown
Date: November 14, 2010 1:10 PM
Subject: the greatest gift
What kind of shit is this garbage??? why would you post something like that? Its pure trash!!!! I cant believe your web would host such filth!! Do not post no more garbage like that again or i will delete your website, because fuck blocking you so you can jus keep exposing to other people dumb stuff, I will jus delete you off the web!!!!!!!Good day, keep it moving!

—————– Original Message —————–
From: THE Professional
To: R.E. Brown
Date: November 14, 2010 1:12 PM
Subject:

the greatest giftthis was the worst burden ever!!! i cant believe i lost 3 minutes of my life with that bullshit!!!!!!!!!! find someone who cares!!! i dont know why you would post something like that to anyway? you are really lame!there is so much one can do with a camera that is jus a shame! a waste of skill and a lack of know how! go back to school or something! find a new line of work cuz you def aint gonna cut it wit makin films!!!! i do hope you realize that!!!!!!!! ASSHOLE!

Praises and/or Death Threats
Call (781) CULT-LOL /318-6278

info @ swellco2000.com

Dressed eggs or deviled eggs, whatever you call them: these variations on traditional deviled eggs (click here for the traditional version) make great party appetizers and appeal to those with a sense of excitement! Devilled eggs make great party food: they’re easy to hold, they make a lovely presentation and they’re good for you, too. Kids love them.

Curried Deviled Eggs

• 12 eggs
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1 tablespoon curry paste, mild or hot
• 2 teaspoons lemon juice
• fresh parsley for garnish (optional)

Hard boil and slice eggs as done in Basic Devilled Eggs. Combine yolks, mayonnaise, curry paste, and lemon juice in a zipper bag and mash until smooth and combined.

Fill egg whites as above, and garnish with sprigs of parsley if desired.

Turn that frown upside down

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.