If you are from Philly, you probably know the once great nightlife hub that was Old City has seen better days. The area has become a mecca for fake tan weekend warriors from the New Jersey suburbs for sometime. Once Dirty Wasted Thursday was canceled at the Irish Pol, one of the last sparks of original entertainment snuffed out. I can honestly say, there isn’t a single bar, restaurant or club anywhere in old city where you can climb on the bar naked, drink whiskey out of a skull and then stumble home with a butt plug in hand. (or not in hand if you know what I mean)

My Pappy used to say, “if it’s worth doin’, it’s worth doin’ again.” He was talking about enemas, but I thin this clearly this applies to Dirty Wasted Thursday. The sleaze master general Dirty Diamond will be hosting a once off, anniversary night of unprecedented debauchery with all of his old standbys and if it really is the very last one, then you don’t want to miss it. Dirty Wasted is always one for the books.

Come to think of it, my Pappy also used to say, “Don’t sleep on the wet spot, and if your pee burns the next day, send the flowers back.” Somehow, I feel like this advice applies to Dirty Wasted too…

-Annette Garcia
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Not your thing? Go Underground Philly or Go Underground NYC and find something else.

Photos courtesy of facebook.com/pages/Dirty-Wasted-Thursday

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

What does a bad day at your office look like? Mr. Brown contemplates a social experiment gone horribly wrong.

As you may have noticed, we have not posted a debriefing of our most recent Hard Times Dance Party, Talent Contest and Indoctrination Seminar. This is for very good reason.

We publicly promoted this event as an opportunity for people to express themselves in an open, no rules or judgement forum. Privately, we saw it as a social experiment. The only instruction we gave was that the contestant(s) needed to do “something” to compel the judges to give them the money. How would people interpret this? In this modern age of numbed senses and stimulus bombardment, what would be the result?

We already had some idea. We initially tested the concept at our Baphomet Birthday Bash in October. The contest was at the tail end a long list of activities and was only for $50 cash.  The contest abruptly ended after the second contestant handed the host a knife and asked him to carve SWELLCO into his back.

The first official party turned out crushing crowds and shocking results. Human dartboards, sewn-up lips and, uh… ” enema art” were some of the highlights. While there was an air of elation at the party, there was apprehension amongst the staff. This was our first of what was supposed to be an ongoing series. All reoccurring events normally have a build up. But this was our LAUNCH, our starting point. This first party made any organized gonzo sideshow look like a children’s program. All promoters want word to spread, but we soon discovered more apprehension than curiosity regarding the first contest. People we talked to seemed honestly scared to come.

Paid the cost to be boss- the stage after the first Hard Times.

February’s party confirmed our greatest concerns. Contestants came with the express intention of topping the first contest. And they did. By the time the fourth entry in the contest had completed their performance, half the audience had fled in horror and disgust, including the last two contestants. Dirty Diamond was speechless for the first time in his career. The burlesque dancers rightly viewed the stage as a biohazard and literally refused perform a second set.  We didn’t blame them.  Brown & Black locked themselves in the green room with a bottle of whiskey and waited for the lights to come on.

We had added liability and personal injury waivers for the Video Circus & the Khyber along with our standard model release forms; however, we feel that no amount of paper would dig us out of a criminal negligence charge if we continued to allow contestants to try and top past performances. There was simply nowhere else to go except severe injury and death.

At this stage, we are still waiting on word from our lawyer to see if it is in our best interest to even describe or show what happened. We are waiting to review photos from the event; many of the photographers appear to be reluctant to hand over the physical documentation. We haven’t even viewed the video footage yet, and, in all honesty, the staff is still a little shell-shocked.

Thus goes the monthly dance party that only lasted two months. Hard Times was an event that went from 0 to 150 MPH in two taps of the pedal. But there is a plus side to the end of this short lived event. Swellco & Swellco will continue to throw events highlighting representatives from various performance groups in the region and the contest has has sparked the birth of brand new talent.  Shocking and amazing performers like Choke & Shlak, Andros the Autobutcher, and Cookie Cutter the Striptease Queen will all be working as staffers of Swellco & Swellco. Of course, with some (but minimal) limitations placed on them for their own safety.  More on this soon.

Like any little girl growing up in the 80′s, I played with My Little Ponies. I had every color, shape, and size my parents could afford; some had rhinestones for eyes and rainbow manes, some had little propellers affixed to their chests so their tails would spin as if they could fly, others even wet themselves. I didn’t discriminate against whether they were unicorns or had wings… I just liked ponies.

But, just like me and every other little who girl used to play with these toys, it seems like the ponies have grown up. In fact, 2008 marked their 25th anniversary. So that means they’re, what, about 28 years old now? Perfect. And what behavior is one to expect from a pony in her late twenties that has been in the the spotlight her entire life? Debauchery, a loss of innocence, and disgusted mothers everywhere. Pretty soon, we’ll be reading about how Pinkie Pie got caught stealing an expensive necklace from a Glitter Castle while on the way to Chief’s house for an all-night coke binge and presumably Village People-themed gang bang with the rest of the Big Brother Ponies.

Well… as far as I know, that hasn’t happened yet. But it does seem that the girls have been, ahem, getting around. All you need to do nowadays is search for “pony hentai” or “sexy pony” and your browser is flooded with images of these good-lil-ponies-gone-bad. I want to be disgusted; these were my childhood friends growing up and I guarded my collection with my life. But let’s be honest… it’s pretty fucking hot.

It seems that porn isn’t the only thing these busy girls have been up to. Check out another one of their disgusting, yet amazing, contributions to the pony-loving perverts of the world below. Also, some disturbingly hot and very, very naughty ponies. I think they turned out just fine.

-Louise LaTease
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We are all going to hell, and life is just a circus.

Everyone is bored, everyone is jaded. Everyone is depressed and the future is bleak.  We have answers, we have solutions.

What would you envision for a party dedicated to the end of the world? That’s the question the staff of the Swellco & Swellco Community Outreach program was given. The Hard Times Dance Party Talent Contest was their response. Hard Times is a culmination of our philosophy.  We ARE all going to hell, and life IS just a circus. At Hard Times, you don’t just stand around listening to music trying to look cool, or feel forced to tiredly clap at someone on stage.

Here YOU are the Circus, YOU are the show. Here everyone is welcome to express the strangest and most perverse of their fantasies. Everyone is welcome, straight, gay, master, slave, pervert, weirdo, the beautiful or the grotesque. Our talent contest is an open forum for anyone to express themselves. We’ve had people get up and tell jokes & break dance, we’ve also had people sew their lips shut and break bottles over their heads.

$100 cash prize for the winner.
A Swellco & Swellco Tee shirt and a Jug of Ritual Grade Wolf Pee for second prize
ALL CONTESTANTS WILL RECEIVE A FREE DRINK TICKET

The Infamous Dirty Diamond is going to be hosting the contest and through the night, anyone who gets on stage and engages in Dirty Diamond’s Dirty Dancing Strip off (male or female) WILL ALSO WIN A FREE DRINK TICKET.

Louise LaTease, Lil’ Steph & Miss Rose from the Bravissimo Burlesque are going to be burning up the stage with some ultra twisted Burlesque to warm up the crowd.

But wait, Rock N’ Roll DJ Royalty Kishbaugh & Kohlhofer are spinning for the second time.  That alone is worth the price of admission.

Shhhhh,
guess what, if you show up at the door in drag, dressed as a furry or are naked* admission is half off.

Sponsored by PBR

*the least amount of clothing to be considered still dressed by law (i.e. pasties, duct tape, etc.)

Photos courtesy of Philip Cohen

There is an amazing trend at the Swellco & Swellco live events. The trend towards complete and total bedlam seems to be making a steady upward spiral. Tuesday’s first Cinema Barbare Night would be a case in point.

The BarBare film series was designed to be our “sleeper” night. A steady, low (er) key evening where a couple of our staff members would perform and we would all watch a new indie horror flick. For Tuesday, we had planned to have Dirty sing one song, Louise & Keycifer do one dance each. Dan.5 would spin some killer cock rock and metal. We would have a quick costume competition. We would watch the film and drink whiskey. This would be a chill, get to know us night while we continued to plan larger public service seminars and organize the soon to come Swellco & Swellco (live) Circus.

What we didn’t expect was having so many movie goers that we ran out of chairs, or for that matter, places to stand. We didn’t expect 12 bloody hoes, 2 gigolos and a zombie tranny hooker to show up. We didn’t expect that the competition would descend into a strip off, with us chasing girls around trying to cover their private parts with masking tape. (the only tape on hand) We didn’t expect a spontaneous nearly pornographic girl on girl bar wide make out session amongst contestants and audience members alike. We didn’t expect that the Ritual Magic Wolf Pee raffle would turn into an on stage urine drink off amongst audience members. We didn’t expect it but it did… and boy what a party it turned into.

We want to thank the Twisted Twins for allowing us to be the first to show their movie to a very appreciative Philadelphia. Staff members Dirty Diamond, Louise LaTease & Keycifer were amazing as always, earning themselves a “Do Not Downsize” pass for the month at Swellco & Swellco International. Our very exhibitionistic costume contestants and the people who bought a whopping 300 raffle tickets were also sweet and sweet. The urine drinkers, well… WTF? Seriously?

More photos to follow.

Go Buy this Movie Now Motherfuckers

Live Dead Hooker inspired performances by Louise LaTease, Dirty Diamond & Keycifer

Hosted by Dirty Diamond

Presenting the Philadelphia Premiere of the Soska Sisters DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK
Sept. 14th, at Bob & Barbaras Lounge.
9:30 party starts, 10:30 movie starts
$4.00 admission.
Live performances by host Dirty Diamond and burlesque girls Louise LaTease & Keycifer
Dead hooker costume contest
Raffle for a Swellco & Swellco tee shirt & a jug of Swellco & Swellco brand ritual wolf pee.
DJ Dan.5 will be spinning Cock Rock before the screening and at the Go-Go Dance after party.

DJ Dan.5 will be spinning Cock Rock sets at the Dead Hooker Dance Party after the movie

Take a sneak peak at the Twisted Twins brilliant opus Dead Hooker in a Trunk.

Well, we were just going to do a chill, low maintenance movie night over the summer, but like all things Video Circus, the shit got deep. Swellco & Swellco proudly announces the launch of the Cinema Barbare roving underground film series and dance party. Join us for a surreal mix of singing, dancing, movies, whiskey and continuous exposure to the Video Circus Subversive Subliminal Mind Control Signal.

It’s only fitting that we launch this event at Bob & Barbara’s, the host of our first two community outreach events.

Our first screening is the Philadelphia Premiere of DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK by Vancouver’s Twisted Twins, the beautiful Soska Sisters.

In addition to the Screening, we will be holding a Dead Hooker costume contest, a raffle for a jug of Swellco & Swellco brand Ritual Wolf Pee, live burlesque performances, a DJ and go-go dancers before and after the film. More exact details will be announced as they are confirmed.

You Know Our Work.

Envy us

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Photos courtesy of Dan Joyce Photography

Swellco & Swellco mandates that all subsidiaries and departments engage in community outreach and public service as an ongoing effort to earn the trust of the communities we are located in. The newly acquired Video Circus is proud of our results. Our second event, the Amateur Go-Go Contest and Hip Hop Dance Party Benefit for Baby Cheezwits was fist fight free and got the word out about the rarely spoken hate crime of puppet persecution.

We see this informative and fun benefit as the silver lining to Employee Asset Baby Cheezwits (Swellco & Swellco 21466c) getting assaulted at our Anti-Bestiality Educational Outreach in March.

“A successful event is all about planning and getting the process right from the get go. This starts with the “idea”.  There is a whole range of charity event options, but depending on your department’s resources and goals, some types of events will work better than others. For example, if you’re looking to raise awareness for a relatively unknown meat, a cake stall or fun fair may be less successful in getting your message across, even though it could be very popular. Meanwhile, if you’re looking primarily to raise funds quickly, a charity event like a benefit bukkake or a fun run may require more organization and planning time than putting together a sausage sizzle or just extorting  donations with hired goons.”
-Excerpt from Swellco & Swellco Corporate Community Outreach Mandate Memo to the Video Circus

NEVER FORGET BABY CHEEZWITS