Nothing is Real

In light of my recent morning events involving multiple phone calls, and said e-mail, I would like to share with you my standard morning protocol in preperation for a day in service to Swellco & Swellco. This information can come in very handy for those of you seeking employment with our company.

-Men’s Suit by Men’s Warehouse
-Be sure to place business card for Binder & Binder inside front pocket
-Boat Shoes by Sebago (Docksides, and they must be authentic)
-Alka Seltzer Morning Relief, mix in two capfulls Pepto
-24oz coffee (pour out top inch of coffee), add 2 shots Hennessey VSOP
-1 Scrapple breakfast sandwich w/Tobasco and heavy on the Olde Bay
-1 Side of Crab Cake Fritters

You must then go to the payphone at 6th & Spring Garden and call the fake HQ at this number 1.800.223.9797 to check in.

-Acid Squid Swellco & Swellco 11283d