So, this guy I know (we’ll call him Drucker) claims that he zips off to the “Land of Ladies” on a regular basis for a little R&R.  Now, I’ve never been there, but I’m gonna take a good guess that this may be one of the fine drinking establishments located there.  As you can see, this gentleman has found himself one of the fine species of ladies which had only been bred during a certain era.  This also leads me to believe that to get to the “Land of Ladies” may require some sort of time travel which must include a fine 12 year Scotch or warm snifter of Cognac.   Sound a bit like Alice in Wonderland, but for gentlemen.  Or, possible an episode of Cheers while on some primo window paine acid.  Now lets get lost in the Land of Ladies where the liquor is cheap and the women are always cheaper.

-Acid Squid
Swellco & Swellco 11283d

Photos courtesy of retrodoll.tumblr.com

I just got back into town after being laid up in New York on business. Originally, I was up there on one our famous “scouting” excursions, but I was yet again lured into a debaucherous bender.

As usual, I was told I would be reimbursed for my traveling expenses, but because I haven’t got cut a check since day one…I had to take the China Town bus. For two dreaded hours I was stuck next to an 80 year old asian guy who smelled like he hadn’t wiped his ass in three weeks, and insisted on snacking on soft-shell crab the whole way up. The only thing that was going to get me through this trip was the bottle of Hennesey in my suit jacket pocket. Well, that and the eight of mushrooms I snacked on at the Greyhound station back in Philly. Needless to say, I was in pretty good shape by the time we hit exit 13 on the Jersey Turnpike.

I got into Penn Station around 9pm, and I proceeded to my hotel on 7th Ave and 56th St, The Wellington. This place is no dive by any means, and I am a man of class and leisure. There was one small issue, I only had just enough money to cover one night, so I was going to have to make some serious shit happen in a very small amount of time.

I checked in, freshened up, and headed out to pound the pavement. “He” said find talent, which is what I was going to do…I was just hoping we had the same thing in mind. Honestly, where was I going to find “talent” that does tricks and what not? I mean c’mon, the sideshow circus freaks of yesteryear are a dying breed.

I took the N train downtown, and headed over to this little Sake bar in Alphabet City. With the amount of Cognac I had on deck, Sake probably wasn’t in Johnny’s best interest. But, like the Robert always says, “Go big or go home”. I know the bartender down there, and he always has the best kush in town, so I was most definitely gonna score some primo. I was pretty much in the rabbit hole at this point as the mushrooms were coming on full force, and I really needed to make some moves. I sat at the bar and ordered a pot of warm Sake and a pint of Sapporo. BINGO! Within 10 minutes a group of Fillipino broads walk in looking ripe for the picking. Could these little crickets actually have something to offer the circus, could this be what the boss was looking for? At this point, I really didn’t care. Fuck’em, I’m not his personal errand boy and it was time for Jonny to spread his wings.

Well, I must have spread my wings and flew under the Manhattan Bridge, because that’s where I woke up three days later. The events of the preceding days are still cloudy, but I am pretty sure I was on film at tome point. So Robert, don’t be mad, it was work related…I just need to figure out who has the tape.

My next transmission may be from the unemployment line.
-Acid Squid Swellco & Swellco 11283d