At Swellco & Swellco, we like flesh.

We like flesh of all flavor and varieties, but we find the flesh of professional model and performer Porcelain to be particularly entrancing. Her strong dark eastern Slavic features offset by smooth milky white skin just push all kind of buttons here at the office. And it should go without saying we hope we get the opportunity to work with the beauty soon.

For those of you in the Philly area, you can get a chance to work with her this afternoon at Dr. Sketchy’s at World Cafe, where she’s modeling for artists 3pm-6pm. $15 bucks. For those elswhere, you can catch more of Porcelain here or here.

-Kevin Dalton
Swellco & Swellco 83473t.

Photos Courtesy of ModelMayhem (Credits Available)

“We walk the streets at night
We go where eagles dare
They pick up every movement
They pick up every loser
With jaded eyes and features
You think they really care?”

Photos courtesty of R.E. Brown

Human’s matter,” says Dr. Santiago Preta, (Swellco & Swellco 88666b) Head of the Subversive Subliminal Test Video Project “The values and beliefs we share with humans matter. Our actions as overlords matter. How we relate to our victims matters. These are our assets, our source of profit, our pets made of putty.”

Preta offers these tips for Staff Consultants:

1. Get to know consumer assets. It’s hard to talk about sex with someone you’ve never spoken to. Research indicates that the more humans are connected to reality the less likely they are to be engaged in unauthorized sexual activity.
2. Begin early.
3. Know your strategy. It is hard to strike if you are unclear on where you stand. Consumer assets want to know and want to know from their betters.
4. Talk to consumer assets, early and often. One talk about the birds and the bees is not enough. As they grow and develop you will need to provide diagrams and video.
5. Know your Consumer assets every move. Know what they are doing. Show an interest and impose fear.
6. Have high expectations about animal sacrifice for new consumer assets and communicate that to them. Humans with with goals are more likely to become sexually active and malleable.
7. Know who your consumer asset is dating, marrying or reproducing with. If he/she is unauthorized, you should be concerned and take strike fast and hard.
8. Be media savvy. Watch some of the music videos; listen to the music that they are listening to, read their email, bug their home. Discuss what they are seeing, hearing and thinking. Help your consumer asset to understand that many are sending the wrong message.
9. Make sure your consumer asset has regular health exams. Doctors can also provide advice and guidance for humans about religion.
10. Encourage your consumer asset to be involved in recreational drugs.*

Photos courtesy of pornoland.tumblr.com

Our Tentacles Begin to Reach Out

Numb by the endless sea of porn on your computer? Bored with the 1.5 million movies on your streaming Netflix? You want to get out of the house but you don’ t know where to go or what to do. You find that all the event listings out there are boring vanilla bullshit that doesn’t interest your jaded sensibilities. We feel your pain, after a hard day on 4chan or chat roulette, you don’t feel like going to a wine tasting or a walking tour. You want little people wresting in luchador masks, black metal bands and human pony rides. As always, Swellco & Swellco is here to help.

You may have noticed The button list of cities along the left column for some time. They are exactly what they look like. In May 2011 we are going to begin Swellco Approved Event Listings.

This isn’t some automated event listing riddled with corporate promotional events. We search out the strangest and most interesting events and hand pick who we suggest to you. With Swellco & Swellco you never get bored.

-Why are you doing this?

Because we can’t find a single event directory that honestly speaks to our jaded tastes. We feel like someone needs to step up and take the reigns.

-What kind of events will you post?

We focus on events we would want to go to.
Sideshow Events
Burlesque Performances
Roller Derbies
Skate Competitions
Underground Theatre
Amateur Wrestling
Edgy Art Openings
Indie Film Nights
Rock N’ Roll DJ nights
Fetish Parties
Drag Shows
Bands that Don’t Suck
Shit that wakes us up from our boredom.

-How many events will you post?

Our goal is to post 1-3 events per day for each city’s section.

-Why didn’t my event get posted?

Maybe you aren’t our cup of tea, maybe competition was tight that day and you just didn’t get in. This isn’t an auto listing. We are hand picking the events we think sound the most interesting.

-What do I need to do in order to submit a listing?

Send us an email to the city you are in.
Philadelphia
philly_swellco @ swellco2000.com
New York City
nyc_swellco @ swellco2000.com
Los Angeles
la_swellco @ swellco2000.com
San Francisco
sanfran_swellco @ swellco2000.com
Chicago
chitown_swellco @ swellco2000.com

Include the following information.
Name
Date
Location
Admission
3-5 sentences description
Website (optional)
1 photo (optional)

-What is that smell?

That is the smell of your brain being fried from the Subversive Subliminal Test Signal we are pumping into your brain to make you buy shit you don’t need.

-How will I find out when your listings are updated?

Once a week we will post one blog entry highlighting an event from each city we have infiltrated, and a link back to the list of cities. We will be posting this to our Facebook page and sending out a newsletter. Of course you can check the side column for you city any time.

-Do I need to register?

Not at this time. Right now we are keeping this very informal. Just drop us a line with the information we need.

-Why don’t you list events in my city?

We are a small, underfunded site just getting off the ground. As we infiltrate a city, we will expand.

-How do I sign up for your updates?

Like our FB page on the right column or join our newsletter bellow if you need to be reminded. Otherwise, stop by regularly.

-How do I show my gratitude for turning me on to so much coolness?

Tell your friends, buy our swag, click on our sponsors, submit yourself to the subversive subliminal test video signal, kiss your grandma, rape a goat.

Just relax and let it happen.

Preceding clip is either an extended segment, excerpt or alternate version from portions of various episodes of the Swellco & Swellco Video Circus.

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

At Swellco & Swellco we understand clowns. Clowns and naked girls. We understand clowns, naked girls and fucked up shit. Blood, guts, even animal parts, They’re all part of a bigger picture and a new way. The Swellco & Swellco way. We hope to provide a night terror in your bed and an erection in your pants at the exact same time. Not only do we stand by this claim, but our goal is to deliver with the Swellco & Swellco quality that people have come to trust.

Are you familiar with the Ten Tenants of the Swellco & Swellco Video Circus Subliminal Messaging Process? If not, you have to ask yourself, “how much longer can I deal with this reality?”

1. Create
2. Subvert
3. Dominate
4. Indulge
5. Persist
6. Regret Nothing
7. Pleasure is God
8. Time is Fluid
9. Memories are False
10. Video is Real

Photos courtesy of you-need-satan.tumblr.com

Love Bug

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Have you seen me?

There has been some concern as of late about the whereabouts of Swellco & Swellco Employee Asset & Video Circus Spokesman, Mr. Deadguy. Mr. Deadguy took a leave of absence to tend to his young manservant and companion, Baby Cheezwitts. The dead puppet still suffers from severe agoraphobia and chronic death after the brutal attack at Swellco & Swellco’s Anti-Bestiality Community Outreach last spring.  Baby Cheezwitts’ condition has only improved mildly over the past 8 months and doctors have repeatedly stated that it is unlikely that the condition will improve, being that Baby Cheezwitts is already dead. Since April, the puppet has been sequestered in an unknown, unmarked grave. Mr. Deadguy left  on an extended leave in early June in order to try and locate where he buried his young companion.

That leave has been cut short. The taping of the first full episode of the Swellco & Swellco Video Circus Happy Time Dance Party Talk Show has been scheduled and management had planned on calling Mr. Deaguy back to the office.  Unfortunately, our efforts to locate either Mr. Deadguy or Baby Cheezwitts have been unsuccessful. Repeated calls have gone unreturned, attempts to locate him at the shack down by the river, or the brothels he frequents have bared fruitless. Swellco & Swellco staff speculate that Mr. Deadguy may have inadvertently buried himself and forgotten the location of his grave as well.

Swellco & Swellco is offering $150.00 in cash and a jug of Swellco & Swellco Ritual Grade Wolf Pee as reward for any information leading to the discovery of Mr. Deadguy, Mr. Deadguy’s severed head or Baby Cheezwitts. Please contact us at (781) CULT-BIZ /285-8249 or info@swellco2000.com

Be sure to check out his site while you’re at it

Photos courtesy of mrdeadguy.com

The Video Circus was created with one strong assertion in mind. We believe reality has become too brutal for the average consumer to handle. Never ending war, a corrupt system, a bankrupt government and a decimated job market all make our reality look pretty bleak. So we ask you, why even play the game? We say, turn your ship into the storm and embrace your darker urges and simply alter your reality. We believe that it is a god given right for every consumer to chose his reality, and Swellco & Swellco is here to help make that happen.

So Next time you’re thinking, “We’re all going to hell and life is just a circus,” think Swellco & Swellco. The dark gods of the underworld demand the sacrifice of your tainted soul and Swellco & Swellco aims to deliver.

Photos courtesy of culturetrash.tumblr.com

Louise LaTease & Keycifer Black have been promoted as Artistic Directors of the permanent Swellco & Swellco Video Circus troupe

Swellco & Swellco is proud to announce two big promotions in the Video Circus family on the heels of the decision to expand our operation. Systems Administrator Louise LaTease has been chaired to fill the Artistic Director position for the permanent Video Circus Troupe. Office Associate Keycifer Black has been promoted to Assistant Artistic Director for the new troupe as well. Both employee assets have shown great growth and commitment through the developing phase of the Video Circus test project.

All casting and creative control have been handed two these to very able bodies for the permanent troupe which will be regularly performing live at various venues, and on video at our test facilities and palatial armed compound in the scenic Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia.  Their first job is to organize talent for the private birthday party of Swellco & Swellco International board member Charles Baphomet on Oct. 29th.

Running a permanent troupe is no easy task, but Swellco &  Swellco has access to the very best employee assets.  Louise and Keycifer are about to discover the wild world of middle management and all the thrills and joys that comes with it.

When it comes to The Swellco & Swellco Video Circus, they are the HNIC #1 and #2 who say FTW while they’re TCB. Be sure to drop them a line and congratulate them on this new journey they are about to embark on.

Systems Administrator Louise LaTease has been promoted to Artistic Director of the Video Circus

Office Associate Keycifer Black has been promoted to Assistant Artistic Director of the Video Circus.