Brooklyn is loaded with guys that own candy stores, two cars, and like to go to nightclubs

5/13/12

Swellco & Swellco Approved

Fear Factory, Shadows Fall, The Devastated, The Browning, Legacy of Disorder
Sun 7pm
Gramercy Theatre
127 E 23rd St
New York, NY
$25
Sure after 20 years of essentially the same, Fear Factory’s industrial metal shtick might be almost as yawn-inducing as their new album title (‘The Industrialist’? Really?), but don’t let that stop you from checking out some of the younger, hungrier and more aggressive talent on the bill.

Patti Smith, and etc..
Sun 8:00 pm
City Winery
155 Varick St
New York, NY
$ = Too Much
Yo, it mother’s day! And what says “I love you mom!” then a $98 ticket to see aged punk rock legend Patti Smith belt out the n-word half a dozen times.

Bastardpiece Theatre
Sun 10:30pm
UNDER St. Marks
94 St. Marks Pl
New York, NY
$20
A night of go-go dancing and grindhouse movies. Drinking games, giveaways, comedic banter. Tonight’s feature is the very very awful 1994 Fantastic Four.

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Photo courtesy of http://culturetrash.tumblr.com

An evil petting zoo?

4/13/12

Swellco & Swellco Approved

Population, Lost Tribe, Cemetery
Sun 9:30pm
Empty Bottle
1035 N. Western Ave.
$3
Local dark post-punkers Population make noise with horror-punks Cemetery.

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Photo courtesy of http://culturetrash.tumblr.com

It’s Time For You Start To Acting As Cool As Your Mom.

“You know, when I was your age, Punks weren’t wimps,” my Mom said, while enjoying her Mother’s Day brunch.  ”Punks were tough, dirty & didn’t care about setting trends or being cool.  They recorded their music themselves & didn’t care how it sounded or if anyone even listened.  Punks were in bands because they had something they wanted to say no matter who heard:  the police, their school, even their parents.  Their parents were the ones making the laws & the rules & The Punks hated the laws & the rules.  Rock became Pop, so Punk punched the music world in the face with harsh lyrics & even harsher shows.  I went to lots of shows because they were cheap & I could drink beers even though I was underage & because my parents didn’t want me there; my parents didn’t like the rebellious message punk rock music gave me; I haven’t changed, but punk rock sure has,” Mom said, wistful.

“Let’s go, Mom!” I said, chugging the rest of my mimosa & throwing some money down on the annoyingly busy restaurant’s table.  ”We’re going to The Punk Rock Flea Market!”

We shopped for vintage clothes, spent hours looking at all the records in The Starlight Ballroom & bought R5 Productions Show Passes!

“Mom, you aren’t upset that I mainly listen to hellbilly & heavy metal, are you?” I asked over a stack of albums.

“No, Tomata, you listening to whatever music you like & disobeying your Mother’s wishes for your punk rock future is punk enough for me,” said Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day!  May Your Children Be As Punk Rock As You!

-Tomata Fortunata  (Swellco & Swellco #69004J)

Event Info:

R5 Productions’ Punk Rock Flea Market

Moms who get naked are cool.  (for us anyway)

The Best Thing I Ever Saw At A Punk Rock Show

Photos courtesy of  http://milfs.tumblr.com, http://milflover1.tumblr.com

Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult

5/12/12

Swellco & Swellco Approved

True Widow, Daughn Gibson
Sat 8pm
Union Pool
484 Union Ave.
Brooklyn, NY
Like Doom-Metal-lite, Dallas’s very cool True Widow plays with Magnetic Fields reminiscent wierdo electro-country recycler Daughn Gibson.
$12.

Hub City Stompers, Skinnerbox, King Django Septet, Rocker T with the Snails, etc.
Sat 7pm
Knitting Factory
361 Metropolitan Ave
Brooklyn, NY
$17
Mostly New Jersey Ska purveyors provide the tunes for you skins, dreads and punks to skank your little hearts out.

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Photo courtesy of http://fuckyeahpunkrock.tumblr.com

The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me

5/12/12

Swellco & Swellco Approved

Shpongle: The Masquerade
Sat 11:30pm
House of Blues
329 N. Dearborn
Chicago, IL
$32.50.
Shpongle claims psychonaut and halucinigenic mushroom advocate Terrence McKenna as his guru. He has a three-eyed green sun as his mascot. This means you should be able to score some pretty decent drugs at this ambient, psychedelic electronic show.

Electric Six, Andy D
Sat 9pm
Double Door
1572 N Milwaukee
Chicago, IL
$15
Detroit’s disco-punkers Electric Six bring the fire, the danger, the high voltage and nuclear war to a gay bar near you.

Father John Misty, Har Mar Superstar
Sat 10pm
Schubas
3159 N Southport Ave
Chicago, IL
$14
Irony abounds at this dual powered we’re-smarter-than-you-look-fest with folky Father John Misty white soul master Har Mar Superstar.


Quintron, Miss Pussycat, Pierced Arrows, etc
Sat 10pm
Empty Bottle
1035 N. Western Ave.
$12
Organ punks Quintron and puppeteer Miss Pussycat from New Orleans play with underground legends Fred and Toody Cole, previously of Dead Moon, have been doing Garage Rock for 25 years. Fuck, they built the damn garage.

Clockwork Vaudeville
Sat 9pm
The Ace Bar
1505 W Fullerton Ave
Chicago, IL
$5
It’s a Steam Punk Gala with bizarre steam-powered tech and Victorian Fashion. DJ Joseph Vourteque IV and Mr. Automatic spin punk-blues, industrial, EBM and no wave. Guest performance from classical-industrial cellist Unwoman.

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Photo courtesy of http://culturetrash.tumblr.com

Our staff is lacking in genetic stock.

Photo realistic sculpture is some terrifying shit. No artist should be allowed to trap souls of decent people into inanimate objects just to trip people out at art parties. That being said, I have some pretty mixed feelings about Thomas Kuebler. I look at these poor beautiful souls crying behind that silicone and I can hear them crying. It almost makes me want to write a letter to god.

To make matters worse because the wheel chair bound mad scientist sculpture entitled Dr. Nighty Night looks exactly like my deceased Uncle Frank. Like so much like Uncle Steve that I fear he may be a victim of Thomas Kuebler’s art magic.

And this just puts me that much more into conflict. Uncle Frank was a vile, evil man, but he knew how to use his tongue better than anyone in the family, and I will always miss our camping trips to Trenton.

Good luck to you Thomas Kuebler, I hope you are talented with your tongue too.

-Felicia Jackson
Swellco & Swellco 22397b

Be sure to check out his site

Photos courtesy of http://www.tskuebler.com

Why do all you guys sit on your helmets?

5/08/12

Swellco & Swellco Approved

“Mind-Blowing Sex Tips with Brooklyn Brainery”
Fri 7pm
Babeland
462 Bergen St
New York, NY
The nerds over at Brooklyn Brainery team up with Babelands perverts for hot and heavy pseudo-academic hijinx. Arrive early-birds get a chance at dirty door prizes. Free bubbly.

Xeno & Oaklander, David J (Bauhaus) w/ Frank (Just Frank), CREEP, Todd Pendu
Fri 9:30pm
Public Assembly
70 North 6th Street
Brooklyn, NY
Whether you call it “gloomwave,” “nu-goth,” “neo-coldwave,” or music for the terminally somber who still like to dance… this show right here is like the “Woodstock” of all that stuff. Wear black.

The Champagne Riot: Blind Tiger
Fri 9pm
Dominion NY Lounge & Theatre
428 Lafayette St, New York
$20
The Champagne Riot team invites you to “a vintage fantasy wonderland where gangsters and flappers mingled over forbidden gin, where the jazz was hot and the girls were hotter…and where a kiss really could kill.” No shit? Alright then.

Burlesque at the Beach
Fri 8pm
Coney Island USA
1208 Surf Ave.
Brooklyn, NY
$15
The Great Fredini and Bambi the Mermaid present a blend of burlesque and sideshow reminiscent of the days of yore.

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Photo courtesy of http://culturetrash.tumblr.com

if only you could see what I’ve seen with your eyes

5/10/12

VHS or Beta, Sybris, Perfect Kiss
Fri 10pm
Empty Bottle
1035 N. Western Ave.
$12
I gotta tell you you… I miss Duran Duran. I was a little too young at the time to fully appreciate them. The Reflex. Hungry like the wolf…. Luckily for VHS or Beta, I can enjoy Duran Duran all over again. Kind of.

Fellowship Of The Boobs: A LOTR, WoW, D&D, RPG Burlesque
Fri 9pm
Gorilla Tango Theatre
1919 N. Milwaukee Ave.
Chicago, IL
$20
Neck-beards and basement trolls come out for a nerd-themed burlesque show that pays homage to “Lord of the Rings,” World of Warcraft, Dungeons and Dragons and role playing games.

Hawkbit, The City Streets, Finishing School
Fri 10pm
Township
2200 N. California Ave,
Chicago, IL
Hawkbit, the cute little cartoon character from Watership Down plays with Canadian Folk Rockers
The City Streets while a 1934 Ginger Rogers movie Finishing School is being screened.

Swellco & Swellco Approved

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Photo courtesy of http://culturetrash.tumblr.com

But Burlesque Is The Art Of Revealing Secrets, Isn’t It?  (wink, kiss)

Well hell yeah I like bathtub gin & speakeasies!  I’ve been making it & drinking it & frequenting ‘em & seeing stars my whole darn life!

When I was a boy, growing up deep in the forest, my daddy used to make gin & sell it to the local gangsters & such & they’d show up to our house in their fancy cars & slicked back hair.  They’d always be real nice to my daddy.  Probably because he always gave them premium spirits.

Well one day, one of these gangsters brought a lady with him.  I will never forget how pretty she was.  Her hair was short, her eyelashes were long & her stockings were sheer.  I never knew a woman could smell like a field of wildflowers or be so fancy.

She looked me in the eye, “How old are you, boy?”

“I’m 13,” I lied.

“Well, when you grow up to become a man, look me up.  I’m a burlesque performer.  Do you know what that means?”

“No, ma’am,” I told the truth, hoping she’d teach me all the secrets in the world.

“Burlesque is the art of making men always want more,” she started to unbutton her overcoat, tipping her hat to the side so I could only see the corner of her bright red lips.  ”It’s the most fun a beautiful, uninhibited woman can have,” she said, slipping her shoulder free of her silk slip dress, pearl necklace slid inside.

“Woman, you stay away from my son, he will find the joys of a speakeasy performance soon enough!” Daddy called from the still.

“All right, all right, I was just having some fun teasing the guy,” the lady said, pulling herself back together.

She looked back before getting into the car, “I’ll see ya soon, OK, sweetheart,” & flashed a glimpse of a garter belt.

I never got over my desire for women who know the art of the tease dance.  They know how to keep a man wanting more their whole life over.  The entertainers featured in The Champagne Riot have been my burlesque defibrillator, pumping my heart wide awake.

Now, I won’t be dressing in my finest dandy get up (really my daddy’s old seersucker suit kept in pristine condition) & traveling to New York City to see The Champagne Riot Presents:  Blind Tiger, a night of burlesque & speakeasy tomfoolery, tonight because I rarely leave my cabin, but ladies & music & forbidden gin sure as heck live in my memory & dance in my imagination & in every beat of this old man’s heart.

-Old Tarpie (Swellco & Swellco #44098M)

The Champagne Riot Presents: Blind Tiger

Dominion NY

9PM Doors, 10PM Show

$15/ADV, $20/Door

Featuring the talents of (& thanks for the stunning photos!):  Julie Atlas Mus, Gin Minsky, Miss Harvest Moon, Mr. Gorgeous, Bunny Love, Jezebel Express, The Red Hook Ramblers & MC Dandy Wellington

Gin Minsky – Ain’t Misbehaving, Saving All My Love For You

You must be double-jointed. And you must be Hungarian

5/10/12

Swellco & Swellco Approved

PSYCHOMANIA!
Thurs 10pm
Three of Cups
83 1st Avenue
New York, NY
Free
A night of horror punk and psychobilly dj’d by Sean Templar (Red Party, Underworld), Erich (Limelight, Berlin) and Sasha (Psychomania). Bartendress Alison slinging $6 PBR/shot combos and Alien Brain Hemorrhage shots all night.

Mickey Avalon, DJ Doc Swift, Andre Legacy, The Wellington Papers
Thur 8pm
Gramercy Theatre
127 E 23rd St
New York, NY
Ex-heroin addicted bisexual prostitute Mickey Avalon is bringing his smutty rap game to the Big Apple. The Wellington Papers and others opening up.

MCA Tribute: Beastie Bowl ft. Eclectic Method
Brooklyn Bowl
61 Wythe Ave (at North 11th St)
Brooklyn, NY
In honor of the recently departed MCA, Brooklyn Bowl is screening MCA’s/Adam Yauch’s “Awesome! I F*ckin Shot That” on all screens with full concert sound. Special Beastie Boys tributeand AV performance by Eclectic Method.

Hive Mind, Liable Abuse, Raven Strain, DE TROP
Thurs 8pm
Saint Vitus
1120 Manhattan Ave (between Box and Clay Sts)
New York, NY
$12
Listen. We here at Swellco & Swellco know a thing or two about cults. And while Michigan’s Hive Mind might seem like your typical rising experimental-bleak-drone-erosion-noise star, we’re pretty sure its progenitor, the mysterious Greh, is doing mind control experiments for his secret cult. Which is to say if you’re into mind control, noise and cults… you should probably go to this show.

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Photo courtesy of http://fuckyeahpunkrock.tumblr.com