Swellco & Swellco is dead. Long live Swellco & Swellco

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

Swellco & Swellco believes hell is here and this is as good as it gets. Your physical form is soft putty ready to be molded by the elements you kneel before. Your mind is a substandard hard drive infected with animal urges. These tools of your punishment are shoddy at best. Live, struggle, fight, beg, succeed, die. There is another way. You don’t have to serve your sentence in the same cell as everyone else. The rabbit hole might smell like a sewer, but it is an escape. Are you afraid to get a little dirty?

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that the Swellco 2000 process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

There are 10 tenants to the Swellco 2000 subversive subliminal mental reconditioning. Once these 10 concepts are fully accepted both consciously and subconsciously, a consumer is freed from the mental shackles our senses impose and can re-embrace the comforts of our id.

Why bother?

1. Create
2. Subvert
3. Dominate
4. Indulge
5. Persist
6. Regret Nothing
7. Pleasure is God
8. Time is Fluid
9. Memories are False
10. Video is Real

At Swellco & Swellco there is no shame. Once you have consciously and subconsciously embraced the subversive subliminal process, you join a group that does not join groups, you enter a world that does not have limitations because at Swellco & Swellco, nothing is real. Concepts like humility, morality, civility and reality simply do not apply. Here we are all whores. Here we are all carnivores. Here everyone is a martyr, a bully, a coward and a king. We are gluttonous and feast on the milk and breads of virgin angels. Our circus never ends.

Stand tall before us and be judged lacking

Just a little heads up to let you know that starting tomorrow, our event listings for New York and Philadelphia will be up and running again. Like before, our focus will be on dope, legit parties and shows. We find the shit that you WANT to go to. Never be bored, never say there isn’t something going on, never be out of the loop.

Also, once again our agents will be infiltrating many of the events we list and reviewing and reporting on what they see and do. Our reality is always more fun than the common world. So wash your junk and heat up your crimping iron, the party is about to begin.

-R.E. Brown
Swellco & Swellco 64312b

Photos courtesy of http://culturetrash.tumblr.com & http://sex-drugs-rocknroll.tumblr.com

A night of learning, that was pretty darned fun too

 It’s been a long time coming back for Swellco & Swellco sponsored events. We dropped doing them for the 9 months for several reasons. The first few events we organized and sponsored were raging successes, garnering us a whole lot of fans, and a whole lot of press. But then we unleashed what was going to be a monthly event, the Hard Times Dance Party & Talent Contest. It was a social experiment gone horribly wrong and lasted all of two months. We wanted to be edgy, not liable, so we canceled the party. Then there was the WRATH world wide multi city end of the world dance party. It was a whole lot of work but since the world was going to end, we thought it was worth it. But the world didn’t end and we were all pretty depressed about that.  While these set backs were demoralizing internally, we also needed to focus on how to make S&S into something BIGGER and have been working the better part of the year developing plans to do just that.

I was a little apprehensive about sponsoring a new show. This one was especially scary because it was the first one I had no real hand in. New staff members Annie “Puss” Bainbridge & Patrick, along with old schoolers Uncle Wheat Toast,  Keycifer, Louise LaTease & Needles Jones got together and put together something disturbing, but balls to the wall enjoyable.  Of course we were dumb enough to schedule it on the day of the Tattoo convention (this year we didn’t have a booth) and it was the only shitty weather we’ve had all year with a brutal ice storm all night. Yet some how, miraculously people braved the weather and we had a great party.

The Jawn Band’s Drug Jawn Dance Party Sets were absolutely AMAZING, playing three full sets. Mix in Needles Jones, the Psychedelic lights of Eye Gate, and the go go dancers and you had a flowing, flawless party that was fun for the whole whole family. Sadly, the swag from Co-Sponsor Retro Outlaw didn’t arrive until two days after the party, but these things happen.

We want to thank the Jawns Band, Needles Jones, PhilaMOCA, Eye Gate, Cookie Cutter, Emily and everyone who came out in frigid, dangerous conditions to dance, dance and say no to huffing glue.

-R.E. Brown
Swellco & Swellco 64312b

2012 is the year of the 80′s pop star death march

It’s Valentine’s Day today and my writing assignment was to write about this holiday de amore. Last year Louise wrote quite a doozy. But I’m just not in much of a candy hearts and and chocolate sort of mood right now. Why you ask? Because 80′s pop stars are dropping like flies. First Heavy D died, then Don Cornelius offed himself, then Whitney “fell asleep” in a pool of water and now she’s smoking with the angels.

Everyone else SAYS they were always a Whitney fan and I’m really kinda disgusted by that.  A dope reality star dies and then suddenly everyone was into her. I say “hell to the no.”

I will never forget the first time I saw Being Bobby Brown. Watching Whitney and Bobby’s high energy zany laugh riot family fun whirlwind romanic antics are some of the dearest memories I have in my life. I always like to believe that there is a little bit of Whitney in all of us and I have often masturbated to thoughts of her and Bobby Brown slapping each other over and over.  I’ve saved every episode of that show and I’ve carried it on my hard drive for years without ever once thinking about erasing it. That show got me through through some really hard times and is still worth blunting to.

Because there is such a dark cloud over the entire month of February and in honor of this great Reality Show Icon, I am simply refusing to celebrate Valentines day and instead of dwelling on all of these great performers and social activists dying recently, I am presenting you a purely gratuitous clever kitten in costumes photo set bellow courtesy of ROFLcat.com.

-Felicia Jackson
Swellco & Swellco 22397b

Photos courtesy of  http://www.roflcat.com

A Night of Learning and Laughter

Drug Jawn Psychedelic Dance Party & Anti-Huffing Educational Outreach
Febuary 11th
9:00 Pm
PhilaMOCA: The Philadelphia Mausoleum of Contemporary Art
531 North 12th St.
Philadelphia, PA
Featuring
The Jawns Band & the Huffing Glue Dancers present the Drug Jawn Live Dance Party

hosted by Needles Jones
With Additional Guest Performances by
Drag Sensations
Needles Jones
And Strip Tease by
Louise LaTease
Cookie Cutter
Keycifer Black
Emily Doofnoggle

Retro Outlaw will be providing prizes for the “best, worst drug story confessional” Get on stage and testify and pledge to say NO to inhalants.

Swellco & Swellco is going to provide a night of love, laughter, education and caring to get the word out that God (and or weed)* can get you just as high as inhalants. It’s safer, cleaner and better for you. A relationship with God (and or weed) will heal your troubles on Earth and get you through the gates of heaven.

Photos courtesy of http://ggdub.tumblr.com & http://epicnsfw.tumblr.com

These Purely Gratuitous photos have nothing to do with the pledge

I’ve released a monster with all of this Anti-Huffing Glue Rhetoric going around these days. Swellco & Swellco management has gone all topsy ridiculous on the matter and now I can’t sniff a marker in the office without getting hit upside the head with a John Holmes Dildo.

Not only do they want me to make a pledge to give up huffing ALL inhalants that will get you high, they want me to write the pledge so that all the people at the Drug Jawn Anti-huffing Psychedelic Disco Dance Party.

Well I like a paycheck so here goes my first rough draft. Let me know what you think.

-Believing that true love waits in a world free of the beautiful haze of chemical inhalants, I make a commitment to God (and or weed*), myself, my family, Satan, my friends, my co-workers, my pimp, my future mate, my future roommates, and my future children to a lifetime of purity and holy blessed strength and including inhalant abstinence, from this day until the day I enter a Biblical relationship with a sexy, hot, sweaty, hard bodied fuck machine who will rock my world and smoke blunts all night. I will keep my body and my thoughts pure as I trust in God’s (and or weed’s) perfect plan for my life. It is God’s (and or weed’s) will that you and your first born should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his/her own body in a way that is holy, honorable and full of weed.

And now a Purely Gratuitous naked Tumblr Photo set to distract you from your urges to huff the beautiful sweet fumes of enlightenment that only toxic chemicals in a dirty sock can provide.

-Wheat Toast
Swellco & Swellco 54239c

Photos courtesy of http://workshoperotica.tumblr.com

*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.

What the fuck are we going to do with all these nasty Lamar Smith pics?

Ever have plans go horribly wrong? Louise forwarded me a list of obscure holidays to celebrate because I was bitching about being bored with the normal ones. Some old geezer in the 70′s who no one remembers came up with a holiday no one acknowledges called National Do Nothing Day. It was a national holiday that celebrates the fact that there are no national holidays on that particular day and request that you do nothing about that fact and if you so choose, do nothing at all. No wonder no one remembers to celebrate it. The act of doing so effectively nullifies the spirit of the day.

Of course I don’t have time to just do nothing. I’m the HNIC who is about the business of TCB and had big plans for today. My goal was to spend several hours making shitty half assed photoshopped collages of Douche Bag Texas Senator (I know, a redundant phrase) Lamar Smith’s head superimposed on she males, bukkake girls, moneys and all kinds of other low brow, toilet humor fun that we can indulge in down here in the underground. But then the SOPA bill was suddenly killed. Out of the blue like a bolt of whiskey, I had nothing to do on National Do Nothing Day.

This made me really happy in that, I never have nothing to do.
Then I realized that this year MLK holiday had fallen on the day that celebrates not having a holiday fall on it.

Then I realized the PIPA bill was still alive and well. Guess Orin Hatch’s head has a date with a goat fucking tranny’s body.  So much for a vacation.

PIPA is every bit as grotesque as SOPA, so lets see that one fall as well, Mmmkay?

-R.E. Brown
Swellco & Swellco 64312b

Photos courtesy of http://workshoperotica.tumblr.com & http://gunsoverknives.tumblr.com

Yes, it’s a cheap high, but it’s a high that makes you look cheap

Times are tough, no one is denying that. The banks have screwed us, the corporations have bought off the politicians and the jobs have all been shipped away so the CEO’s can help themselves to another bonus. The country is bankrupt, our civil rights are being stripped away in the name of a war that never ends and all that’s on tonight is Real House Wives of New Jersey.

People are looking for escape in the worst places. The practice of huffing glue and other inhalants is reaching a fever pitched national epidemic not seen since Crack, Meth or Bukkake. This trend has gripped a whole generation of young people and our educational system reflects it. Huffing doesn’t discriminate by race, religion or sex. Huffing is a plague that has taken hold of peoples lives everywhere, whether it’s in the city, in the suburbs, in bumble fuck hickville or on the open sea, huffing is real, and it’s probably happening in your household right now.

Swellco & Swellco is hosting a fun night of learning, love and laughter in Philadelphia, Pa in order to get the word out that there are more glamorous alternatives to glue or paint in a dirty sock.
Get high on God*,
get high on Weed,
get high on Porn,
get high on Four Loco,
get high on more Weed,
get high on Quilting,
get high on Group Sex,
get high on Witchcraft
get high on even more Weed,
and most importantly, get high on Weed.

Join Needles Jones & The Jawn Band for the
Drug Jawn Disco Dance Party Anti-Huffing Educational Outreach
Febuary 11th
9:00 Pm
PhilaMOCA: The Philadelphia Mausoleum of Contemporary Art
531 North 12th St.
Philadelphia, PA
Featuring Performances by the Jawn Band, Needles Jones, The Huffing Glue Dancers, Louise LaTease, Keycifer Black and many more whose names we don’t know yet.

Stand up to Huffing and say, “that’s kinda fucked up.”

Photos courtesy of http://fuckyeahsexanddrugs.tumblr.com & http://epicnsfw.tumblr.com

*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.

Synthetics kill, go god, go green

There has been a huge amount of pressure for Swellco & Swellco to begin engaging the community again and we have decided to heed the call. We have chosen to address two really important issues at once. Our nations inhalants epidemic has reached staggering proportions, especially amongst the elderly while the spiritual values that was once our countries foundation has eroded away.

Swellco & Swellco is going to provide a night of love, laughter, education and caring to get the word out that God (and or weed)* can get you just as high as inhalants. It’s safer, cleaner and better for you. A relationship with God (and or weed) will heal your troubles on Earth and get you through the gates of heaven.

Since we haven’t moved our offices yet, we decided to throw this Community Outreach in the city we were launched in, the city of brotherly love. This will be the first of several East Coast Shows including a party in NYC in March and one in Baltimore in May.

Don’t Huff Glue, Get High on God (and or weed)
Febuary 11th
9:00 Pm
PhilaMOCA: The Philadelphia Mausoleum of Contemporary Art
Featuring
The Jawns Band presenting their Drug Jawn Live Disco Dance Party
The Huffing Glue Dancers
and hosted by Needles Jones
more performers and details will be provided soon.

Photos courtesy of http://fuckyeahsmokingweed.tumblr.com

*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.

The Evil Corporation is dead, long live the Evil Corporation!

It’s the end of a strange year for Swellco & Swellco. As many of you know, we were getting a lot of buzz and our live events were blowing the doors off of our venues and then we suddenly stopped.  For the last 8 months we’ve kept a low profile which led to a lot of confusion by fans and some dissension inside our ranks.

We shut shit down for a reason, because we knew we were onto a good thing and wanted to make the evil corporation whose motto is “nothing is real” into something very real. We’ve spent these past few months working on the back end, behind the curtains crap that isn’t always fun or glamorous but needed in order to take us to the next level.  Assuming the bible thumpers, conspiracy theorists and shitty movie makers are wrong and the world doesn’t end, this will be the year Swellco & Swellco becomes a house hold name.

And if the bible thumpers, conspiracy theorists and shitty movie makers are right? Fuck it. We’re all going to die someday any way.

FTW,
Imperium Sine Fine,
Happy New Year,

R.E. Brown
Swellco & Swellco 64312b

Photos courtesy of http://www.satanskinder.com & http://meusksetes.tumblr.com