Yes, it’s a cheap high, but it’s a high that makes you look cheap

Times are tough, no one is denying that. The banks have screwed us, the corporations have bought off the politicians and the jobs have all been shipped away so the CEO’s can help themselves to another bonus. The country is bankrupt, our civil rights are being stripped away in the name of a war that never ends and all that’s on tonight is Real House Wives of New Jersey.

People are looking for escape in the worst places. The practice of huffing glue and other inhalants is reaching a fever pitched national epidemic not seen since Crack, Meth or Bukkake. This trend has gripped a whole generation of young people and our educational system reflects it. Huffing doesn’t discriminate by race, religion or sex. Huffing is a plague that has taken hold of peoples lives everywhere, whether it’s in the city, in the suburbs, in bumble fuck hickville or on the open sea, huffing is real, and it’s probably happening in your household right now.

Swellco & Swellco is hosting a fun night of learning, love and laughter in Philadelphia, Pa in order to get the word out that there are more glamorous alternatives to glue or paint in a dirty sock.
Get high on God*,
get high on Weed,
get high on Porn,
get high on Four Loco,
get high on more Weed,
get high on Quilting,
get high on Group Sex,
get high on Witchcraft
get high on even more Weed,
and most importantly, get high on Weed.

Join Needles Jones & The Jawn Band for the
Drug Jawn Disco Dance Party Anti-Huffing Educational Outreach
Febuary 11th
9:00 Pm
PhilaMOCA: The Philadelphia Mausoleum of Contemporary Art
531 North 12th St.
Philadelphia, PA
Featuring Performances by the Jawn Band, Needles Jones, The Huffing Glue Dancers, Louise LaTease, Keycifer Black and many more whose names we don’t know yet.

Stand up to Huffing and say, “that’s kinda fucked up.”

Photos courtesy of http://fuckyeahsexanddrugs.tumblr.com & http://epicnsfw.tumblr.com

*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.

Synthetics kill, go god, go green

There has been a huge amount of pressure for Swellco & Swellco to begin engaging the community again and we have decided to heed the call. We have chosen to address two really important issues at once. Our nations inhalants epidemic has reached staggering proportions, especially amongst the elderly while the spiritual values that was once our countries foundation has eroded away.

Swellco & Swellco is going to provide a night of love, laughter, education and caring to get the word out that God (and or weed)* can get you just as high as inhalants. It’s safer, cleaner and better for you. A relationship with God (and or weed) will heal your troubles on Earth and get you through the gates of heaven.

Since we haven’t moved our offices yet, we decided to throw this Community Outreach in the city we were launched in, the city of brotherly love. This will be the first of several East Coast Shows including a party in NYC in March and one in Baltimore in May.

Don’t Huff Glue, Get High on God (and or weed)
Febuary 11th
9:00 Pm
PhilaMOCA: The Philadelphia Mausoleum of Contemporary Art
Featuring
The Jawns Band presenting their Drug Jawn Live Disco Dance Party
The Huffing Glue Dancers
and hosted by Needles Jones
more performers and details will be provided soon.

Photos courtesy of http://fuckyeahsmokingweed.tumblr.com

*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.

The Evil Corporation is dead, long live the Evil Corporation!

It’s the end of a strange year for Swellco & Swellco. As many of you know, we were getting a lot of buzz and our live events were blowing the doors off of our venues and then we suddenly stopped.  For the last 8 months we’ve kept a low profile which led to a lot of confusion by fans and some dissension inside our ranks.

We shut shit down for a reason, because we knew we were onto a good thing and wanted to make the evil corporation whose motto is “nothing is real” into something very real. We’ve spent these past few months working on the back end, behind the curtains crap that isn’t always fun or glamorous but needed in order to take us to the next level.  Assuming the bible thumpers, conspiracy theorists and shitty movie makers are wrong and the world doesn’t end, this will be the year Swellco & Swellco becomes a house hold name.

And if the bible thumpers, conspiracy theorists and shitty movie makers are right? Fuck it. We’re all going to die someday any way.

FTW,
Imperium Sine Fine,
Happy New Year,

R.E. Brown
Swellco & Swellco 64312b

Photos courtesy of http://www.satanskinder.com & http://meusksetes.tumblr.com

Praise the lord

I was told that as a new writer for S&S it was my “Chore” to write about Christmas today. Christmas is AWESOME, it’s the day our lord was born into this world to deliver us into salvation. What’s NOT to love about that? This is a great day for family and loved ones to gather around and remind each other to be humble. Be very, very humble.

I’m here at my Family’s house. The parents are getting along which is nice. Mother is drunk and it’s only noon. Ha, ha, that’s nice too I guess. I’m staying out of there way because tensions can get a little high around here and well I don’t want to cause any trouble.

I dropped a  bowl of jello on the floor and things got a little ugly. I’m pretty clumsy some times. Clumsy and stupid I’m told. Oh the holidays…

Gene Hollyweather (Swellco & Swellco 23381b)

Photos courtesy of http://mycreepysanta.com

Year two of S&S and a lot is changing

Being a day of thanks, we wanted to take a moment to express some of the many things we are thankful for.

We are thankful for bizarre sea creatures and beautiful strippers. We are thankful for good whiskey and the miracle of little people. We are thankful for assault rifles and tentacle porn anime. We are thankful for corporeal punishment and clown makeup. We are thankful for hula hoops and good punk rock. We are thankful for Cthulhu and conjoined twins. We are thankful for low riders and Italian horror films. We are thankful for strange taxidermy and Biggie Smalls. We are thankful for Furry Fandom and Kenneth Anger. We are thankful for giant sex toys and two headed snakes. We are thankful for naked bodies and good wine. We are thankful for drag queens and hallucinogenic toads. We are thankful for rare meat and striped stockings.  We are thankful for unicorns and pierced nipples. We are thankful for Halloween masks and pickled punks. We are thankful for taxi cabs and chocolate pudding. We are thankful for the power of the party and the strength of the digital image. We are thankful for the Video Circus and the Subversive Subliminal Process. We are thankful for animal sacrifice and sex alters. We are thankful for the power of profit and the honor of continued employment by our corporate masters at Swellco & Swellco.

But most importantly, we are thankful for you, the consumer asset, for submitting yourself to the Swellco & Swellco Subversive Subliminal Process. Your continued business is truly appreciated.

Photos courtesy of http://gunsoverknives.tumblr.com & http://www.satanskinder.com

Where Consumer Assets are king

Why Swellco & Swellco? Well why not. That’s what the millions of people all across the world don’t realize they believe. They are not wrong. Swellco & Swellco says we know how get the job done and we say we get it right almost all the time.

Just see what people are saying:

“We were in big trouble, we didn’t know what to do, then we got a call from Swellco & Swellco. Our sex has never been the same. “
-Susan and Mike Eeckmonte, hired actors

“Swellco & Swellco makes sense when times get tough, you know you have a friend and a lover and a mother and a maid and a house boy and a priest in Swellco & Swellco. it just makes sense.”
-Marsha Ray, Bus Driver

“I found their statistical analysis of the market trends to be right on the money. I feel secure putting my trust in Swellco & Swellco.”
-Ervin Hanson, Prostitute

“I got my booty wet!”
-Candy Wang, Chief Art Director of Smithsonian Magazine

“I had a really bad rash, it smelled like mold. Thanks Swellco & Swellco!”
-Timmy Robins, Real estate broker

See? Swellco & Swellco does not lie. We tell the truth, because that is the best way to earn your trust. It’s the Swellco & Swellco way. We’ve built our company with you people in mind. Smart people, beautiful people, Swellco & Swellco people. Look around you, walking down the street, in restaurants, at work or at school, even in your bedroom. The person next to you may very well be from Swellco & Swellco. We hope so, it’s our master plan.

Photos courtesy of http://www.wilywilly.com/hot/cocks/little-dick & http://workshoperotica.tumblr.com & http://gunsoverknives.tumblr.com

Swellco & Swellco bows to the power of profit

Our corporate office mandates that all subsidiaries engage in a special day of celebration and ritual bloodletting on October 31st. This is the day that all employee assets must quietly reflect on the gift of employment and write letters of gratitude to sitting board member and CTO Charles Baphomet as part of a prearranged contractual obligation.

In 2009 the Swellco2000.com Video Circus Subversive Subliminal Reconditioning Program was launched by it’s loving, caring parent company Swellco & Swellco International. This site was created with one strong assertion in mind. We believe reality has become too brutal for the average consumer asset to handle. Never ending war, a corrupt system, a bankrupt government, impotent politicians, a decimated job market, traitorous CEOs, a gutted planet and an easily manipulated media that disseminates misinformation as infotainment… all make reality look pretty bleak for the average consumer asset. So we ask you, “why even play the game?” We say, turn your ship into the storm, embrace your darker urges and simply alter your reality.  We believe that it is a god given right for every consumer asset to choose his reality, and Swellco & Swellco is here to help make that happen.

But what is the story behind Swellco & Swellco international? 25 years ago, Swellco & Swellco started from humble beginnings in a small public rest room by two brothers with a dream. A dream fueled by honesty, trust, animal sacrifice and just a little bit of sweat. Marty and Sigmond would be proud to see how their company has grown from that public rest room to 32 expansive corporate industrial complexes across the U.S. and Eastern Europe with over 500 million customers annually.

So next time you’re thinking “we’re all going to hell and life is just a circus,” think Swellco & Swellco. The dark gods of the underworld demand the sacrifice of your tainted soul and Swellco & Swellco aims to deliver.

Photos courtesy of http://www.satanskinder.com

What made us special has been lost, but will be found.

From: Alex ******* <Alex *****@***.com>
Subject: What made you special
To: info@swellco2000.com
Date: Sun, Oct 23, 2011, 12:02 PM

Dear Corporate Masters of Swellco & Swellco,

I write this as a huge fan of your company, so I don’t want you to take anything I say the wrong way. Me and many of my friends feel like you are on to something really great, like epically great, but over the last several months you seem to have kinda dropped the ball. This time last year you were throwing rock n’ roll pornstar parties with the the  the best djs in town. The shit that happened at your parties was the stuff of legend.  You were making cool videos and doing shit no other site has the balls to do. What happened? You never posted the second Video Circus, There hasn’t been a Swellco & Swellco party in six months. It’s October, this is YOUR month, but there is no Baphomet birthday party. Yeah your articles  are fun, but without the girls and the bloody bunnies and tha drag queens, Swellco & Swellco is just another blog.

Again, I say this because I am a fan, not a hater. This city NEEDS you, no this COUNTRY needs you.

Love,
Pedobear

Dear Consumer Asset,

We have been getting quite a few complaints about this as of late. We know that our office has been in hibernation for a long time. After the rapture failed to happen, corporate headquarters set out to restructure the company. During this time we intentionally suspended almost all of our community outreach programs. What we though would take 2-3 months has taken 5-6 months. But we promise you, we are working on something so big, it will make existing in this dull reality well worth the wait.

Life is hard

Swellco & Swellco is in bed with the most powerful and influential people in the world. We mean that literally. If you need it, we will get it, if you’ve lost it, we will find it. Swellco & Swellco doesn’t care what “it” is, we are the world, we are the Empire of Industry.

If you have the brains and the balls to work with a company that will work with you then you all ready know Swellco & Swellco will earn your trust. Our consultants are eager to assess your needs, feel your pain and make things just a little more tolerable. We mean that, it’s our word.

We want you to smell around Swellco & Swellco, we think you’ll like what you find.

Photos Courtesy of http://epicnsfw.tumblr.com & http://gunsoverknives.tumblr.com/

Suspension of disbelief can be applied to all aspects of life.

To be “mentally” reconditioned means that Swellco & Swellco’s Video Circus process “quickens” (or makes alive) our numb mind. When a consumer believes in the process of the Video Circus, trusting us alone to encourage all perversions- then Swellco & Swellco come’s into one’s mind in the form of a new and better reality.

Photos Courtesy of http://culturetrash.tumblr.com