My dearest Yo-landi Visser,
Oh beautiful yet creepy elf-like creature! How I yearn for your velvet touch and how my lips burn for your moist kiss which is more pungent then the nectar which drips from the earth’s most stinky cannabis. My wetness, my throbsome, my Yolandi. My wanton waif, let me snuffle you. Do you not realize that if life were a scrumptious salty cracker, you would be the highly processed but delectable cheesy spread? Can we not comingle, humungously yet languidly in lolling bliss roll? My lolling tongue laments its lack of use, my lolita-esque lilliputian love. Your bumptious charms razzle me ragged, my rooting raunchpot.
I am frenzied to squirmishness in passioned paroxysms at the thought of your perfect pointy ears. Why tarry when pleasure awaits. Come, let us strip ourselves of tiresome inhibitions. Fling caution windward, cast off the tattered unwashed and slightly stinky robes of prudence! Gropingly, fumblingly but with dexterous determination I wish to grab and inappropriately fondle those words which tell of my love, and your boobs.
Yo-Landi, you are not my corned-chipped beef, but my little breakfast sausage. You are greasy, hot, firm and taut on the oustide but nice and steamy within. I will devour you, even though you be somewhat unhealthy. Come to me. Do not be coy, we must grasp what we can! Firmly, and yet with an oily hand (Johnson’s & Johnson’s baby oil, only the best for you) Do not fear my rapacious rantings my ruin, only say we can rollick and romp redolently. Release your rodents and remove the raiments. Say the word, and me and my thesaurus are yours.
Swellco & Swellco 24534b
Photos courtesy of http://fyeahyolandivisser.tumblr.com