The Hot Rod Retirement Home For Ill-Behaved Heavy Metal Welcomes Retro Outlaw
Swellco & Swellco Is Feeling Lucky.
My best friend Cookie calls me every Thursday night, “What time are you going to be ready by tomorrow?”
Friday is all day champagne, facials & as many restaurants as possible. It’s our perfect lady day of gratuitous credit card binges & overzealous purges of laughter & dessert at every meal.
“Sorry. I have to stay home & wait for a package… Being delivered by USPS.”
The line went dead. Cookie was not happy to have her day of treats interrupted by Mr. Postman, the most unreliable of all men.
I continued, “We can get drunk as fuck at my place! The mail usually comes by 2.”
The aforementioned package was from Retro Outlaw. To quote the venerable Jimi Jam, “to run the risk of appearing like we are all over these guys dicks… the fact is, their shit is so dope, we kinda ARE all over their dicks.”
Swellco is a huge fan of their Droog Leader Figures & T-Shirt designs so I was absolutely dying to see their excellent designs in person. & Most importantly, the merch was to be featured prizes for the Don’t Huff Glue event!
“What time is it,” Cookie slurred.
“6:23. I guess USPS has failed me again. Rain, sleet, snow, my ass.”
The next morning, there was a pink slip in my mailbox; it said the postman tried to deliver the package at 6:11p.m. the previous evening.
Mr. Postman is not only lazy & inconsiderate, he’s also a liar. I know Cookie & I were sitting right next to the door cracking up all the way through Osama Bin Laden Wears Farty Pants.
Then to my distress, the sweethearts who run my local Philadelphia USPS branch have off on Saturdays & were not open when I went to pick up the package, in the snow, to deliver to the poor, afflicted Swellco hordes.
Swearing off the Philadelphia USPS forever & vowing to return to a simpler way of life, I had the package forwarded up to my investment property & new place of residence: The Hot Rod Retirement Home For Ill-Behaved Heavy Metal.
The Retro Outlaw merch & the residential rusty bits were fast friends because both represent better, wilder times, as well as having been made of the same mettle as the toughest outlaws.
-Miss Molly (Swellco & Swellco #D81624)
Original Retro Outlaw Photo Shoot by Dena Merlino & Adam Scott
Time Lapse of Car Rusting