Puss’ Cartel Couture With Danny Brown
Where are you gonna hide a gun with pants that tight?
One of the biggest challenges I face in running a successful drug compound/cartel is staffing. Good muscle is just so hard to keep hard & I never want any of my soldiers going soft. As much as I like to get high on god and or weed*, lounging on piles of ill-gotten money with my heavily muscled help is my anti-drug.
I don’t hire based on personality: quiet doesn’t always mean deadly & obnoxious doesn’t necessarily mean rapey.
I also don’t hire based on skill with weapons. My armory bulges to such a degree I don’t give a shit about precision; I love seeing the drywall fly & count on collateral damage.
I choose my men-at-arms by what they wear to the interview process. The right clothes help you blend in appropriately, are extremely functional & will lend the appropriate air of ‘‘I don’t care if your brains get all over me; my leather duster wipes clean in a flash”.
This last guy came highly recommended, so I skipped the loyalty tests & offered to just take him up in my helicopter to confirm he wasn’t policia. As he walked across the tarmac, his tiger stripe hoodie (with cute little ears) blew back to show his wacky hair-do. Does he want my enemies to laugh as they cut us to ribbons & bang his dead, furry ass? & then, this idiot’s jeans were so tight he couldn’t bring his leg up high enough to get aboard; where is he supposed to hide contraband, stacks of money, automatic weapons & my lipstick in that get up?
My guard kicked him in the face & knocked his front tooth out.
Last I heard, he was going to my neighbor 50 Cent for a job.
He can be found under a rock at his fucking myspace page-
-Puss Bainbridge
Photos courtesy of http://www.myspace.com/dannybrownrd & http://justnakedpeople.tumblr.com
*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.
Tags: 50 cent, automatic weapon, Danny Brown, furry, leather duster, tight pants
