My Ruined Week Without Ringworm
Dear Ringworm, thanks for destroying my will to exist.
I’m not one for handling disappointments.
One of my favorite metal bands, Ringworm was going to be in town last week. In my head, I had tickets. I was happy. My life seemed to have meaning and purpose during that time. I mentally fondled those tickets, I pictured myself naked and rubbing them on my nipples and I giggled. I mentally flicked these tickets at my freshly shaven taint like a hooker’s tongue. I envisioned myself in the front row with a flask full of Four Loco and Robitussin, after a hearty meal of beef liver and eggs. I was living every moment leading up to the show like I was already at the show and the joy I felt could only be matched by angels descending from the heavens with a cart of naked porn stars in tow as a gift to me for being the biggest Ringworm fan ever. My joy leading up to the show could only be matched by actually being at the show.
Then it happened. They canceled the gig. Now I feel like road shit. I have no reason to bathe. The gods of metal abandoned me and for the past five days I’ve been listlessly wandering the streets turning over trash cans and keying cars. I peed on the front window of a WaWa, I didn’t care. As I write this, I contemplate my alternatives. I could go to Cleveland and track down these lying suck shits, these fallen idols who crushed my soul… But who the fuck wants to go to Cleveland?
Guess I’ll just fap and huff some glue.
Swellco & Swellco 83473t
Be sure to take a further listen at their site so you too can taste bittersweet disappointment.