Heavy Metal Brooklyn Blackout Nightmare
The movie post that wasn’t
The Coney Island Film Society has been showing dope movies all summer long and I finally got down there to check one out. Before the movie me and my friends smoked a blunt* on the beach and then went to the Freak Bar and downed several Coney Island Lagers. I was wasted.
As we were leaving to go to the movie, my BF Tina stumbled out of the bar and suddenly turned the other way, ran down the street, across the board walk and down into the beach, stumbling through the crowds of dirty heaven summer fun seekers as she went. WTF?
I screamed at my friend Todd to stop her from running into the ocean and he took off after her. I followed and ate shit half way across the board walk. I bounced off my knees and rolled straight down the staircase into the sand. I was finished. I sat in the sand drunk-crying with my dress ripped and my knees pouring blood. Next thing I know these Puerto Rican girls had ran up to attend to me. I was sobbing irrationally so they started feeding me Four Loko like it was some sort of medicinal remedy, which, I must attest, it kinda is. While they were sitting with me, one of the girls boob popped out of her bikini top, three times. This and only this turned my tears into laughter.
Todd & Tina stumbled back and they were both completely soaked in Coney Island beach water. (I don’t go into that shit) So we blew off the movie in favor of drinking Four Loko’s with the hot boob popping Puerto Rican girls annnnddd… I woke up on my apartment floor covered in Spegettios. I called Todd and asked him what happened. He responded, “A trannie peed on me” and hung up.
So, ugh, Heavy Metal was a ground breaking animated movie, spawned from the 70′s sci-fi fantasy comic, criticized for it’s blatant pandering to prepubescent fantasy stereotypes, and praised for it’s sick metal soundtrack. Or so I’m told.
-Felicia Jackson
Swellco & Swellco 22397b
I think the Film Society is finishing up it’s summer series, but there is always something to do when you Go Underground.
*Swellco & Swellco does not endorse or condone the use of illegal drug use and all references are purely fictional for entertainment purposes.
Tags: coney island film society, coney island lager, four loco, heavy metal magazine, trannie urine
