The Apocalypse Is Upon Us, Sayonara Suckers
FTW. The world ends tomorrow
I’m dressed and ready to go!
I’m all suited up for the end of the world and it’s been too long a wait. After the hammer falls tomorrow, I will go out into the hellscape with the intention of avenging the death of Jimmy Zapatos, my beloved one legged mule. You will be my trusted side kick. They will call me King Mas Macho and you will be the knuckleberry kid. We will travel by foot, for we have no mule.
I am going to duel a large gorilla named Mr. Vittles, he killed my mule. You will sit in the front row eating boiled muskrat tail while showering me with wild flower petals and wild praise. When I am victorious I will put hot mashed potatos down your pants and we will all have a grand pee. Good times, damned apocalyptic reader, good times.
Beware of Bobo, King of the Mind Monkeys. He will instruct them to bore into your mind and steal your thoughts and ideas. I have found his spies in my toilet bowl. They conspire to flush. Please look before you sit. Do it like your life is at stake.
I’m going to the Philly party, getting an invite was a bitch. Bearded lady hula hoop contest? Come Join me, we’ll start peeing a little early.
-Uncle Wheat Toast
Photos courtesy of random shit I found downloaded on the company hard drive. The worlds ending remember? Open up your birdcages.