WRATH End Times Party Is On In 13 Cities World Wide
After the now (brutally) infamous events of the last Hard Times Party,we vowed to never throw another event again. Jail time and law suits this early in the game would be no fun. But Mr. Black got a memo from Corporate Headquarters informing us that Harold Camping was right. The world IS coming to an end on May 21st, 2011. Our theory is that you can’t get sued or arrested if you are roasting in hell, right?
Black proposed a national project of simultaneous parties to ring in Judgement Day. He was given the green light because everyone thought he was drunk; honestly, no one believed he could pull it off.
Not only did our organizational genius do it, but he set up SEVEN fucking parties in other countries as well. While this ‘end of the world’ party marks Swellco & Swellco’s expansion into an international market, it also marks the end of an era. If Harold Camping is wrong, this will still be the last public party in Philadelphia.
We want to reassure people who may be afraid to attend a Swellco & Swellco party, especially after overhearing several stories from the last events. Therefore, here at Swellco & Swellco, we emphatically make the following promise:
WE GUARANTEE THAT ALL SWELLCO & SWELLCO WRATH END TIMES PARTIES WILL BE BLOOD AND FECES FREE.* WE ALSO PROMISE THAT STAFF AT ALL 13 PARTIES WILL DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO PREVENT LIVE SODOMY FROM OCCURRING ON ANY STAGE.
We are a company that stands by it’s word and we will do everything in our power to make guests feel safe and bio hazard free before God banishes them to eternal damnation.
Tomorrow, starting with Buenos Aires, we will begin posting details on all of these extremely cool parties going on May 20th. If you can’t wait, be sure to check out the WRATH website here.
*In significant amounts. Legally defined as 2 oz. or more, 1 oz. or more in Norway.