No One Here Gets Out Alive
When I first heard the news about the End of the World from one of religious fundamentalist Harold Camping’s followers on 19th & JFK Boulevard, I was a little concerned. After all, things were going good for me: Great studio, nice girl, major promotion, new Harley, credit cards all paid off and out of debt… and now, after things are finally coming together, The Lord wants to smite me…. What kind of bullshit is that?
Why couldn’t He have spilled forth His anger when I was broke, alone and miserable?
That’s when it struck me, “God is a Prick.” Of course all the signs were there, and had I been paying attention it would have been obvious, but God and I haven’t really been on speaking terms and our relationship has been like that of uncomfortable ex’s: “I’ll act as if you don’t exist, if you’ll do the same.” But this whole Judgment Day before summer hits, is kind of a breach of terms and a little unreasonable if you ask me.
In any case, knowing that arguing with the omnipotent tends to be a pointless endeavor, we at Swellco & Swellco have accepted our fate. That’s right. Hell awaits, the End is nigh and it’s lights out for the vast majority of humanity. No more drunkenness, lechery, gambling, sodomy, murder, adultery, sloth or any of our usual fun and games. The Party is over.
Or is it?
After all, we do have a few weeks left. And as R.E. Brown says “If we’re going to go out, let’s go out with a bang.”
Over the past few months, slowly and silently Swellco & Swellco have been connecting some of our thousands of fans located across the globe. Our unique pool of admirers filled with promoters, DJs and party monsters has responded to our call for one final hurrah.
Before press releases had even been written, word of our global protest party has spread to outlets like BuzzHollywood and CurrentTV and we expect more to come.
Our website greatwrath.com has had over 100k hits. We now have confirmation on 13 different events located across the 5 continants. A club owner in Buenos Aires, Argentina; An office manager in Austin, TX; A computer programmer in Auckland, New Zealand; an expat writer in Pattaya, Thailand; a wedding planner in Albany, Australia, a DJ in Las Vegas, and others in Capetown, South Africa; Hamburg, Germany; Harrisburg, PA; Long Beach, CA; Tampa, FL; Bergen, Norway and of course here in Philadelphia, PA. The list is growing as more and more souls contact us letting us know they to, plan to hold fast in the coming storm of God’s vengeance, and throw parties of their own.
And that leaves us with you. Where do you stand?
We ask that if you too believe as we do, then join us in the celebration – or if possible:
Secure a venue for Friday May 20th, get some DJ’s, plan some fun and let us know where your last stand in these last days will be held, the details, admission, your sponsors, etc.
Remember, our time is short, so let’s truly be worthy of our destruction when it comes.
Mr. Blaek
Swellco & Swellco #12124a
Tags: end of the world, god, great wrath, Harold Camping, judgment day, rapture
