Happy Birthday Lady Gaga!
This entry is brought to you courtesy of our month-long homage to Women’s History Month, “The Female Power Project.”
Love her or hate her, the girl’s got true star power… and today, she’s turning just 25 years old. Within the past year, Lady Gaga has made Time Magazine’s Top 100 Influential People in the World, Forbes’ Top 100 Most Powerful Celebrities, and Forbes’ ranked her the 7th Most Powerful Women in the World, beating the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Janet Napolitano, and Sonia Sotomayor, to name a few. Just last week, her Twitter account hit 9 million followers, making her the most-followed tweeter ever. A lot of my friends say she is a tranny, I’m pretty my boyfriend wants her dead, but let’s get to the real reason why I love Lady Gaga: Satan and the Illuminati.
She worships the devil and is nothing more than an Illuminati Puppet. Maybe. I mean, how else do you get so popular so fucking fast? With the Dark Prince at your back, the world is your oyster. Our very own Mr. Black touched base on the issue last summer here (wait, is that Cthulhu?!), and almost a year later the bible thumpers are still coming out in droves, in blogs and especially on YouTube, to warn readers and viewers about the dangers of her music. My favorite moment of last year was in Rolling Stone’s Lady Gaga cover article last summer, where she “admitted” to having dreams about the Illuminati:
“I have this recurring dream sometimes where there’s a phantom in my home and he takes me into a room, and there’s a blonde girl with ropes tied to all four of her limbs. And she’s got my shoes on from the Grammys. Go figure—pyscho. And the ropes are pulling her apart. I never see her get pulled apart, but I just watch her whimper, and then the phantom says to me, ‘If you want me to stop hurting her and if you want your family to be OK, you will cut your wrist.’ And I think that he has his own, like, crazy wrist-cutting device. And he has this honey in, like, Tupperware, and it looks like sweet-and-sour sauce with a lot of MSG from New York. Just bizarre. And he wants me to pour the honey into the wound, and then put cream over it and a gauze…. So I looked up the dream, and I couldn’t find anything about it anywhere. And my mother goes, ‘isn’t that an illuminati ritual?’ And I was like, ‘Oh my god!’” -Rolling Stone
Pure gold! The latest public outcry against the star is the video for her new single, “Born This Way.” All the guys on 13th Street say it’s just another gay club anthem and the trannys on 12th Street are convinced it is a blatant rip-off of a Madonna song. But again, let’s focus on what’s important here: Satan and the Antichrist giving birth to a “new race” of devil worshippers. Upon looking further into this theory, I stumbled upon a pretty “explanatory” article on vigiliantcitizen.com, decreeing that “‘Born This Way’ seems to provoke in people two opposite reactions, depending on their knowledge of occult symbolism. It is either “What the heck just happened here?” or “This is really blatant.” Clearly, they think it is very blatant, because the article is a about a million pages long… but worth the read. You can read The Vigilant Citizen’s article on the new video and decide for yourself.
I, for one, salute the Birthday Girl. At least she’s provoking controversy and not singing about her new fucking pair of jeans. Can’t wait to see what she and her homeboy Satan cook up this year. Good to have a friend on the same side.