Rog is All Knocked the Fuck Up
And she handed over her only begotten son, to the dark lords of business
Swellco & Swellco’s November Employee of the month HR Recruiter, the never bashful Rogizoid “Shatterz” Smith got all knocked up. Looks like there’s going to be an office barbecue in 9 months.
Dear corporate masters of Swellco & Swellco,
Yes the rumors of my pregnancy are true. I was going to try and keep it a secret for awhile but my boyfriend posted something on facebook that gave it away….You would know immediately there was no mystery.
I am so fucking full of joy and i should actually say “Congratulations Swellco.”
Wha….why…wtf you may ask? Because you all are going to be with me step by step as my demon spawn grows.
Now you don’t think i was just going to go away for a while.
Come on.
My days are going to be filled with stuffing my face constantly, having complete and total mental breaksdowns, frequent mood swings and if you thought I was a bitch now, what till you get a kick out of me.
And of course I’ll be writing to you!!!!My near and dear friend NYC artist Fred Harper invited me and the man parts out to his car club in Manhattan, this night was my last night to smoke a cigarette or drink….hell I thought I would miss Four Loko but at this stage everything makes me want to vomit. Either way Fred is a good deal older than me, a successful yet starving artist, pretty much gave me shit about being pregnant the whole time. In a good way i might add, because i dont want to be treated like some fragile, prissy little cupcake. He said things to the effect of “he was aborting my forming child with this beer brewed in scotch casks” or “I personally cannot stand children, i dont care for them. You give one to me, i’ll hold it out to here and hope that someone grabs it before it hits the floor,” and “little fucking aliens, im not good with them i’d rather see them in a jar of formaldehyde..”
And you know what, i accepted the brute honesty and disgust of child birth from him and from other people.
They are not trying to glamorize this process and i love them for that.
Nor will i ever justify my actions because lets face the facts, im a fucking riot, the scariest rollercoaster you’ve ever been on.
Does one need reasons!?!?!?
They treat me as i treat them, with love and a wonderous asshole mentality, bitches only dream about truth words.Even though you, and them might have your opinions, its not going to deter me from my and my loves decision to bring this hell child to the world.
I often wonder how badass my child is going to be.
I just know that if I’m this fucked, only Satan knows whats going to happen to him or her.
Or what the hell is going to happen to you.So yes in your desperate plee to say that its okay, you’re excited for me, congratulations, i wish the best for you both but i dont want to know you for 9 months.
All of you mother fuckers will witness and feel as nauseated and fucking gross as i do at this moment.
Come on, sharing is caring.
Rogizoid Shatterz Smith (Swellco & Swellco 84671c).
Tags: fred harper, HR recruiter, pregnant, Rogizoid Shatterz
