Vote: It Will Make You Feel Good
As a Public Service Announcement, we at corporate headquarters would like to encourage our employee and consumer assets to get out there today and VOTE.
There are a lot of important issues at hand: The eroding economy, the perpetual wars, the continued loss of civil liberties, big business strangleholds on the medical industry… important issues that we elite, would like you to believe you have some measure of input or control over.
You see, while our game is tight and our money long, we still understand how frustrating it is for the average consumer. Broken promises, outright lies, the hands of unaccountable corporate enterprises like ours, in conjunction international financiers and ‘special interests’ pulling the strings from Washington to City Hall; it’s discouraging to say the least. History has shown us it’s this kind of frustration often grows out of control and transforming into violent, avenging mobs armed with pitchforks and nooses… Therefore, if it’s all the same, we’d prefer you just relax and blow off a little steam with some hot self-satisfying lever-pulling action.
Research studies show that voting (like sports) acts as a ‘political narcotic‘, temporarily giving the participant feelings of slight euphoria and empowerment, while reducing anxiety over day to day life as well as incidents of uprising and insurrection. So again we implore you: Vote, it’ll make you feel good.
Even if you don’t trust our candidates, we need to you to trust the system.
Pulling that lever tells us that you believe, if even on some tenuous self-delusive level, that the studio version of ‘democracy’ we present to you, still has enough creditability for us to continue with business as usual, without any real danger or threat. It tells us even if you are semi-conscious of our less than subtle hustle, that you agree to maintain the illusion that ‘yes you can’ make some kind of difference with those ballots…. it tells us that there is some small and wavering flicker of hope yet remaining.
This is important. For persons wide awake to the grave and imminent threat our aims pose to their economic and physical health; those who have neither hope nor belief in a means of peaceful recourse and resolution… always have the potential to be very dangerous individuals. The Chinese have a saying: Even a bunny, when cornered, will bite.
And so in the interest of peace, harmony and not getting bitten, we encourage you, a final time, to go out and vote for one the of the marginally different, corporate sponsored performance troupes we’ve arranged for your civic entertainment.
Should for some reason you decide not to participate this election, please don’t concern yourselves with your dilemma too much. It’s no big deal. Rather than sit home and foment or stock pile weapons,we recommend that you simply grab a bottle of booze, do some good drugs, watch a movie and/or masturbate.
Photos courtesy of http://fuckyeahpartypics.tumblr.com
The information being provided is strictly as a courtesy PSA. The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and may or may not be very representative of Swellco & Swellco International, Death by Party, The Ancient Order of Dragons, The Bildeberg Group, “Foundation X” or the Bavarian Illuminati.