Wow… That Really Happened, Didn’t It?
It’s been 16 days since Baphomet’s Celebrity Birthday Bash, Masquerade, Heavy Metal Dance Party and Emergency Preparedness Drill in Olde City, Philadelphia. I haven’t been the same since this event went down. Ask anyone around the office: Mr. Brown, Mr. Black, and even Uncle Wheat Toast have commented how, ever since Baphomet‘s Birthday, I’ve been different. It may just be hormones – but I think I might have lost my mind. I’ve always been teetering on the edge of sanity, anyway. Let’s review the events leading up to Baphomet’s Birthday Bash and find out where I snapped, shall we?
“Let’s drink all day and make a pinata that looks like Glenn Beck! That sounds like FUN!” It did seem like it would be fun… in the beginning. But one can only drink so much and be so productive, as I’ve learned on too many occasions in my short lifetime. We had already done all of the preparatory work: instead of using tons of balloons and trying to form them into a life-size human form, we instead used my faithful blow-up doll that I had used for performances in the past. We printed out Glenn Beck’s face, in a beautiful color, chiarascurro-rich, tearful print. We made a lot of wheat paste, and readied the doll. We had 2 boxes of wine and professional photographer. All in all, a good day, except for we got so caught up in being awesome that we forgot we had poor Glenn to tend to. See the rest of the photos from that day here.
Day Two happened about 4 or 5 days after the first shoot. We had to let the paper mache dry, after all. The staff for Day Two included our very own (in)famous Keycifer Black, and amazing newcomers Avalon LeFey and Jak Christ. This marks my first Glenn Beck-related departure with reality. I was calmly sipping a gin and tonic, sewing a new costume, tentatively entitled “Queen of the Furries” – I’ll explain later… or just read this – when I happened to look up at what we were filming and noticed that white paint was flying EVERYWHERE. All over the brand new (and newly painted and lacquered) stage, the stripper poles, the hand-painted Elder Seal on the floor. I’ll admit it: I snapped. It didn’t matter if the cause of the mess was two insanely hot girls spanking each other with paint-heavy brushes, as hard as they could, all caught on film. Anyways, you can see the rest of the photos from that debaucherous night here.
OCTOBER 29th, 2010: BAPHOMET’S BIRTHDAY
The stage was set. Glenn Beck was transported seamlessly on the trustworthy Market-Frankford line from the Swellco & Swellco Palatial Compound in Kensington over to the Khyber, where the party would be happening later that evening. Keycifer and I made a candy run for Glenn Beck’s innards to get our money’s worth of awesome candy to shove up Glenn Beck’s ass. We almost got hit by 4 cars and got hit on by every idiot on Market Street, but it was worth it. We saved money to buy more eggs for the Bukkake Mimes Experimental Dance Company‘s act for the night… but, that is another story, as well.
The big problem with the pinata was how exactly to hang it. We had extracted the blow-up doll from inside by letting the paper mache harden and then popping/extracting various latex parts, so the pinata was hollow and now filled with delicious candy. There were several theories on how to work the pinata. One involved keeping it unseen, in the green room, until he was ready for sacrifice. I, however, was adamant about having Glenn be on display, preferably in pinata-form, hanging from the ceiling in the back room near the DJ booth, so everyone could see his pretty, pink sparkly tie. So we hung him there from a rope noose, and, satisfied, I went to go get pretty in the green room. Not less than ten minutes later, I hear a scuffle and then a thud coming from the back of the space, then several people calling my name. I, unwillingly and half-dressed, ran to the back of the space, just in time to see my beloved pinata BEHEADED; the noose had put too much strain on his fragile neck, and he’s snapped. In that moment, I snapped too. I had kept watch over this pinata for almost a month at the headquarters, not letting anyone else touch it. Taking it on the El was much easier than expected, as was the extracting of the inner layer and the subsequent filling with candy. Why, now, after all this, could my plan possibly fail?!
We made it work. The surprising part about this entire experience was how, as Mr. Black approached me with the disembodied head of my beloved pinata, I felt no emotion. None, whatsoever, even after caring for it meticulously for weeks. I simply took the head and body, silently, and stuffed them into the green room until Keycifer and I were ready to make the sacrifice. All in all, it turned out fantastically. Black Sabbath played, a man in a devil costume was chosen out of the audience to sacrifice Glenn Beck, Helvis Presley provided all of the sacrifical weapons we needed to dedicate Glenn Beck as an offering to Satan, and all was right with the world. But not in my mind. It never will be. Something about that pinata will always haunt me. Don’t get me wrong, the event was fantastic… from what I remember. After the pinata was sacrificed, I kept my sparkly upside-down pentagram pasties on and drank my face off, not remembering the rest of the night. I had served my duty, and the rest was just play. Special thanks to DJ Metal GR/EG for keeping it together. I’ll see you all at the next jawn…
-Louise LaTease
Swellco & Swellco 13493a
Tags: Baphomet, glenn beck, greg christie, keycifer, khyber, louise Latease, pinata
