David Hoyle AKA The Divine David
I knew I should’ve purchased more than one fire extinguisher
When I think that my love is on fire I don’t want to think of my house burning down. Burning love is passion however it is nothing near what I witnessed the other night when I got home from a nighttime bender. My world is my home and the last thing I want to see is it burning.
It must’ve all started when my roommate Irish Good-Bye’d me and went back to my home to cook some whole grain pasta for a nighttime snack. Unfortunately he fell asleep with the pot boiling and the door half open. When I got back home I walked into a cacophony of street cats simultaneously masturbating on him as my house almost went up in flames. I don’t know what made me more shocked, the fact that he passed out with pasta on the stove setting my house on fire or the facts that cats masturbate. The only thing I wish I had was more than one fire extinguisher.
The first one put the actual fire out. The second one would of put out the passion-fire of these brazen felines. Fortunately I had a broom to swoop them out. Unfortunate for my roommate I didn’t have any paper towels to wash the cat spooge off of him. He was so drunk he wouldn’t care anyway. David Hoyle aka Divine David screams about masturbating if our world is on fire. In my world, however, I just wish I had an extra fire extinguisher to help me to eliminate the cat-jizz that now permanently stains my couch. God, I hate cats!
- Ron Saratoga