Office Party
Swellco & Swellco’s Office Party Tips
1. Don’t Drink Too Much
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and alters your judgement. It can make you do things you may be incarcerated for. Even if you think you can handle your alcohol quite well, one mixed drink or a glass of wine at the office party should be your limit. Remember, perception is everything. You don’t want to look like you’re drinking too much, even if alcohol has little effect on you.
2. Try To Get Laid
An office party gives you a chance to see another side of your co-workers. Jim (or Jane) from accounting may suddenly look a lot more appealing under bar lights than cubicle lights. Trust your animal instincts. Workplace romances are gay — but, one night stands — can be amazing. Plus if you have a secret camera, you can destroy their lives later.
3. Flirt or Act in a Sexually Provocative Manner
Your flirting may be entirely innocent (if it is please see #2), but the message it sends to your colleagues isn’t innocent. If you want to hook up on a professional level, don’t bother saving this side of yourself for parties with “friends.”
4. Wear Suggestive Clothing
If you wouldn’t wear it to the office, you should wear it to the office party. Your clothes should be more festive than those you wear to work (think sequins, color, and sparkles, spandex, pasties), they should be revealing. (Don’t you want that raise?)
5. Don’t Let Your Guard Down
People tend to get violent at office parties. When relaxed, we let our guards down and risk assassination by our co-workers. Alcohol may contribute to this too, so be sure to pay careful attention to item #1.
6. Tell Dirty or Off-Color Jokes
This rule holds true in or out of the office. Dirty or off-color jokes may be offensive to pussies so tell your best in order to watch them cry.
7. Use Foul Language
You may feel so uncomfortable at the office party that you don’t forget you’re really at work. Use bad language to intimidate your peers and make you feel tough.
8. Talk About People Behind Their Backs
If someone is absent from the office party use it as a reason to spread vicious lies. This person’s enemies may be present and this may be the chance to hatch a scheme.
Photos courtesy of gunsoverknives.tumblr.com
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